I'm trying real hard to be the Shepard.

[reachingHigher]

All I can tell you is that I'm happy with the current situation. I like being friendly with each other and sharing time with our boys, but also having my own time and space.."

Hi Mtnman!

Yes, I know you want her to be in a different place right now, but she just isn't or can't be. There is probably more she isn't saying, but that's okay.

Let's take what she IS saying. She said she likes being friendly with you and sharing time with the boys. That's where you still have a key to her heart. She is still figuring out stuff.

So....capitalize on what she does like. Without pursuing of course. The 37 rules talk a lot about how to be when you are with her.

My H initially moved out for three months -- then after about one month he said that wouldn't be long enough! Yes, that has been true! And he said how he enjoyed his new life.

It takes some time for the real consequences of different choices to sink in.

IMO, just sit tight and wait. Be the best Mtnman you can be, the best father. Be there for her as a friend, laugh together, as you have been. Try not to focus on the other parts. There are lots of untidy places in all our sitches.

Reading more here on the forum in the archives and well-chosen R books help. Have you had any time for reading in these areas while you are on your business trips?

And remember, we can't make our spouses feel a different way. As much as we would like to. But really, wouldn't you want her to choose you without feeling she HAD to? Just she WANTS to? Giving her space will allow her to make the choice out of freedom and not pressure.

And how many times, have I told my H, "let's just keep going as we have been" so as not to push the sitch toward D. (that push eventually came from him, not me)