Wednesday night we had such a positive hour after the kids went to bed, she talked to me about so much, including her trip to Milwaukee. When I asked her what she had planned she went through who she is having dinner with at her friend's on Friday, that she is planning on going jogging along the lake Saturday morning, lunch with another friend and shopping with her, then dinner with the friend she is staying with. Even added that some old friends of ours are meeting them out that night. I said I wish I could come and she said she did too. I felt good.
After last night, I thought about it and it seemed odd that she told me about jogging. My strong suspicion is that she has a class booked with tattoo-guy at his fitness studio and lied to me. If so, this would be really bad, both that she is making contact, but more so, that she is lying to me. I need to know, this is killing me.
..."Believe only half what they do and nothing they say" is hitting me between the eyes.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Interesting how God places people in your world when you need them. A couple days ago a friend I hadn't seen for about 8 years contacted me and said he would be in town, was it ok to stop by the office. He came this morning and we were in my office for about 2 hours talking. He went through a divorce about 8 years ago. He suspected she was having an A and after BD, he pursued hard, confronted her with evidence, and pushed her more into the A. He said the only time he saw a change was after 8 months, he went out on a few dates and she all of a sudden started to try to reconcile. He ended up marrying the girl he was dating and is now miserable and likely to file. He walked through lessons learned and after about 1/2 hour he asked how I was doing.
I had intended to not say anything, but I did and gave him the full background. Among his suggestions:
1. Don't pursue. If she emails or texts, respond, but don't do anything that would be viewed as unusual. 2. Don't worry about tattoo-guy. He saw his FB page and the posts W made and he said he is part of her escape fantasy, it is the depression. Even if she meets him next weekend, he is still part of the escape, worry about getting her help for the escape, not the guy. 3. That it is a classic MLC. His sister went through the same thing and ended up in D. 4. When we do have time together, like our date night tonight, make sure it is fun. Clear my mind of the stresses and talk about things other than R. 5. NEVER bring up tattoo-boy. 6. When she goes to Milwaukee next weekend, don't seem nervous, wish her well and tell her to have fun. Then, don't text or call her, unless you would have before. 7. This took a long time to get to this point, it is going to take a long time to reverse itself.
Sound familiar guys? You have all been giving me such great advice!
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
CB, I had a similar instance a couple of months ago. I was working with my employee and after it was over I felt like I should tell him things weren't good at home, leave it at that. I feel obligated because I am not the supervisor I was. Somedays work isn't a priority to me and I know they recognize it.
Anyway, he says something like it happens to lots of good people and hoped we were able to work things out. Nice, end of story, right. Nope! He continued with, who knows you might be like my brother and get a D and then remarry her a year later. Wait, what?
Here was the story. ExW and brother were the perfect couple. ExW goes crazy. Talks about missing out on life, partying all night, changes the way she dressed, etc. They end up D. Brother starts life with a new lady one month after D is final. Within a week, exW sends a birthday card to her exFIL. Then sends cards or calls other family members over a period of weeks/months. Soon starts asking about brother. Then starts calling brother. Year later they're remarried and happy as can be.
My employee says, we don't trust her. We think she came back to inherit the farm. I asked why they thought that. He says, she hated working on the farm before but now she drives a tractor when we work in the hay. She loves it. I said something like, "I bet she thinks your brother walks on water now." He looked at me and said, how did you know. Told him about mlc. He couldn't believe it. They're story fit perfect. His brother had heard how she never loved him, back and forth on leaving, etc. Reconnected with others before brother. All of it.
He left saying he was going to be nicer to her.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Had a good date night last night. At the restaraunt 3 hours, had a really nice conversation and I played it very laid back. Really enjoyed the conversation and she had a great time too. Only mistake was that I was super tired by 10 (something to do with not sleeping lately...) and instead of stopping somewhere on the way home, and extending the night, we went home. Ended up going to bed.
Today is my birthday and she gave me a shirt and a card with a minimal message. I was hoping for more thought into it but had 0 expectations. Went to youth volleyball tourney 2 hours away and ride up was ok, but ride back she was on her kindle most of the way. Last night she finished her murder mystery and ordered another bad-boy, mma tattooed fighter sex book. I just saw the description on Amazon and was dissapointed. Once she started reading this I also saw her crawl back into her bubble and stop be conversant. This is also tough because tattoo-guy fantasy guy in Milwaukee is an ex-MMA fighter.
Going to bed now.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
One other thing. Her FB account is tied to our email and we got an email in with the upcoming birthdays for the week. One of them is tattoo boy. She deleted the email, but I look at deleted emails all the time to see if there are any I wanted in there. It says his name and has his tatted up pic on it with his birthday in a week. Do I use this as a way to innocently ask who he is?
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
