Has anybody else experienced suicidal thought while going through all of this? The emotional pain and turmoil gets to be so overwhelming sometimes, even as I try to emotionally detach and let go. I try to focus on my kids and myself, but the sense of regret and rejection just keeps returning for me.
Yes, I was actually doing pretty good after BD (or so I thought), then about 6 weeks after I spiraled down into nasty depression with crazy anxiety attacks. I went several days without sleep and eating very little. I took days off of work because I could not function at all. Suicide seemed like the most brilliant idea I had ever heard for bringing an end to the pain and misery, plus the life insurance would provide nicely for my W and kids. Seemed like a win-win. I can't even begin to describe what my head was like then- thoughts raced through like lightning, every single thing I could think of just reminded me of losing my W, the pain was excrutiating and there was no relief in sight. Endless crying too. I finally dragged into the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants. It took a week before they even started to make a difference and about a month before I really started feeling normal again. The experience was truly overwhelming. I never would have thought I could be in so much emotional pain.
