Feeling so down today. I have been thinking about H. It's his birthday tomorrow and I'm getting nervous to see him at work. I don't know what to say...I don't know what to write on his b-day card...I'm still undecided to give the present I bought for him. I don't know how he would react; would he genuinely appreciate it?...or just a plain "you shouldn't have done it" or "it's not necessary".
Me50 H53 S22 M23 2007 1st BD May 2011 2nd BD Aug 2011 Moved out(wants space) Feb 2012 came back (wants to work things out) Sept2012 moved out Oct 2012 found out OW but denies March 2013 Admits OW
Feeling so down today. I have been thinking about H. It's his birthday tomorrow and I'm getting nervous to see him at work. I don't know what to say...I don't know what to write on his b-day card...I'm still undecided to give the present I bought for him. I don't know how he would react; would he genuinely appreciate it?...or just a plain "you shouldn't have done it" or "it's not necessary".
I would not give him a present or a card.
It is pursuit and pressure that will not bring him back.
Please have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Keep reading the links that I gave you while you are on moderation.
I know my H wouldn't "appreciate" anything I gave him - simply because it came from me. What the gift itself was wouldn't matter. I had a hard time really grasping that my H wants nothing from me, but that is in fact the case. Any gesture, any overture from you will indeed be seen as pursuit by your H and he will mover farther from you, not closer.
I sense that you are still quite fragile - understandable after all you have been through. You will heal better and faster if you detach as much as possible. Detaching is hard work, but worth it for both yourself and your M.
Give yourself a gift today. What sort of things do you like? (This is my not so subtle way of suggesting you turn your focus to YOU.)
These are heartbreaking days Lilith and you need to take care of yourself.
God bless
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Lilith, How are you today? What plans do you have for the weekend?
Keep the focus on you and allow God to work on your h. I know it's difficult to detach, but you have to start taking little baby steps to do so.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
From a recent error in my sitch I can vouch for this
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ny gesture, any overture from you will indeed be seen as pursuit by your H and he will mover farther from you, not closer.
I bought some little gifts to help W relax after a long weekend. And even though it was done as a kind gesture not a loving gift, it pushed her further away for a few days.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
BAM! another mistake!!! Cadet, your post just came a little too late...its a pitty!!!(I think its because I am still in moderation plus due to our time difference (7hrs.)I think, I live here in Europe) It's friday already here 19April and its his b-day. I just gave him his present.
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Please have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Yes, I prepared myself to that...had no expectations at all! Actually, his reaction came out fine...better than I thought. He look happy and thanked me and said nice "chic" about my gift...and gave my a thank you kiss (on the cheek) He read the contents of the bday card silently at first but then read loudly the part of which my son wrote...and smiled! Although I just wrote simply Happy Birthday. I hope you are happy and have a great day today and always! (my name) I asked him jokingly..."so where's the party?" (Maybe another mistake?).... of which he just replied..."Nope! No party plans!"
Me50 H53 S22 M23 2007 1st BD May 2011 2nd BD Aug 2011 Moved out(wants space) Feb 2012 came back (wants to work things out) Sept2012 moved out Oct 2012 found out OW but denies March 2013 Admits OW
Any gesture, any overture from you will indeed be seen as pursuit by your H and he will mover farther from you, not closer.
Mizjjd, indeed! it was another mistake! but I am learning a little more everyday from my mistakes.
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Give yourself a gift today. What sort of things do you like?
Yes I will! I will drop in to a flower shop on my way home today and buy bouquet of flowers for me...I love that! I miss receiving flowers ...(my husband used to give me flowers!)
Thnx
Me50 H53 S22 M23 2007 1st BD May 2011 2nd BD Aug 2011 Moved out(wants space) Feb 2012 came back (wants to work things out) Sept2012 moved out Oct 2012 found out OW but denies March 2013 Admits OW
Thank you for asking snodderly! I don't feel so great today. It's the first time we didn't celebrate H's b-day together. I know there are still occassions like this coming that we won't be celebrating together and there will be many "first times" events as well...very sad
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What plans do you have for the weekend?
Tomorrow we are attending a niece's wedding(SIL's daughter). H will be picking us up. We are going as a "family". It's also another "first time" event that family and relatives gathers and will see me after being left. Most of them knows about the separation but doesn't know about the "why" and the OW. I know it will be a difficult day for me...all the questions, those pity glances and phrases like “Don’t worry, sweetie you'll get over this"..."things will get better"..."be strong" etc... my heart is breaking everytime I imagine such heartbreaking scenarios. Wish me luck!
Me50 H53 S22 M23 2007 1st BD May 2011 2nd BD Aug 2011 Moved out(wants space) Feb 2012 came back (wants to work things out) Sept2012 moved out Oct 2012 found out OW but denies March 2013 Admits OW
What sort of things do you like? (This is my not so subtle way of suggesting you turn your focus to YOU.)
and you need to take care of yourself.