W has a definite panic about time left on this planet. This has been created by peers and her parent passing away from terminal illnesses. She keeps saying, she needs to get on with life, its too short, she can't stay miserable for the time she has left, that she may only have 5 - 10 years left.
Same here.
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However, another thing that I think has not helped is that her father has been in a bad way since her mother died. This has not given her time to grieve, not one moment, because he has been like a child, needy, and emotionally draining. She has had to prop him up and see him through the past few years. Its been constant, every single day.
It just so also happens its these last few years W claims she has started to question her love for me and our M.
W is also unhappy in her job. This is a big issue and she is desperate for something new. Again, this is getting her down.
Any thoughts / input from any body here about how these things can effect a person and how they can work through MLC if they are still apparent in that persons life?
It's all about her perspective of the things in her life, and you can't change that. Well, not for the better anyway.
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How do I handle her discussions about being M'd to me making her miserable - she tells me as if she is telling a friend. I think I am detached enough not to let it bother me now as it does not hurt anymore. But I find it odd that she is comfortable saying this so bluntly to my face.
I told my wife I understood she was going through a difficult time, and that I would stay out of her way and work on being the best H I could be. I made this last comment ONCE, (remember: actions not words) when she accused me early in the sitch of "not doing anything"... meaning, moving ahead with the D process.
She's still cool and distant, but it's been quite a while since she has blamed me for her unhappiness.
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And how do I validate her thoughts on life being short. Should I just say ' well i can see why you might feel that way?' or is that confirming that she may be right.
I like to say stuff like "yep, we all have to make the most out of everyday, we only have so many left"... which of course is true. Most important I think is for us to maintain an actual PMA, and find meaning, purpose and yes, enjoyment in OUR lives right now.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
