Unlearning conflict avoidance 4

[MrBond]

"I have been reading escapist young adult books (up to "I capture the castle" now) to avoid dealing with adult reality for a while now - how wasteful, though, to want to escape life via fantasy instead of living."

There's nothing wrong with that and nothing wasteful about it. You just decided to "stop living".

"Am very curious if EE can really change me. "

You are going to have to understand one fundamental thing. EE or any other program won't change you. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOU! If you rely on something else to change you, you will be disappointed time and time again.

"They should teach this in school, early; isn't it the most fundamental thing for us humans?"

Seriously? You're born with the thirst to live. YOU just made a choice to stop doing. You stopped learning how to play and have fun. It can't be taught. And again, you have to stop thinking that an external thing is going to grant you everything you want. It's all within you.

"Also, how do I know if my self esteem is high or low? What does this change?"

Right now you can bet it's pretty low. You're not proud of yourself and not changing. When you have high self esteem, you really don't care what others think of you because you believe in yourself.

"Will see an IC in 2 hours. I expect more from this one - exercises, role playing, whatever - than just information."

See that? STOP RELYING ON OTHER PEOPLE! All the C in the world won't be able to help you unless YOU start changing. All you're doing is blaming others for what is inately inside every human being from the day you are born.

"There is an interesting sounding exhibition in LA, where I will be starting next week. This is a typical thing for me to do - go to a museum alone, but it feels empty. That and see the movies that don't make it to here, again alone. "

Being alone has been your choice. You've even isolated yourself from your children. Yes it might have been because of your job, but you could have quit your job and done something else to be with them. They were YOUR choices not any one else's.