Thank you for all your posts. Not sure where to start, so I'll just jump in here:
I stay in this marriage because my W is smart, pretty, sexy, interesting, makes a great house (garden, decorating taste, cook etc.), playful. I don't like the idea of terminating whatever little there is left. We had a good time, within limits, when we were in the US last year.
Yes, the kids know what is going on (Dad is alone downstairs in the evening, D comes down to say hello once or twice; I don't bother going up to my son's bed anymore, though perhaps this might be more conducive to beauty sleep).
Yes, I am going to EE. I am very interested in how others live their life, what do other men do (what are the rules and allowed, expected, behaviors? I am not interested in the stereotypical sports and cars stuff), what guidelines (e.g. Bakewell's summary of Montaigne's "pay attention" is useful) and perhaps role models to follow in living, what makes life worth living, how to have fun, etc.
A fundamental challenge seems to be the ability to enjoy being alone and to be satisfied with this. I have been reading escapist young adult books (up to "I capture the castle" now) to avoid dealing with adult reality for a while now - how wasteful, though, to want to escape life via fantasy instead of living.
As I see it, what is there to lose in being open with the EE folks? No, W is not going, and does not know that I am going either. She just 'knows' that I am gone longer than the usual 3 weeks of work (though this probably has not really sunk in).
I liked the EE grad I spoke with a while ago quite a bit, though hope there is humor and lightness interspersed with the presumably heavier psychological stuff. I am not scared of the work involved, as from everything I hear it is worth it.
Am very curious if EE can really change me. I would also like to help others, though I feel stupid/clumsy/inexperienced in many ways.
I think that I came across EE in a PON post and it sounded good.
Please give me a bit for the imagine a happy you exercise - will probably do this on the plane Monday.
More in a bit -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
