I see what you're saying, but if were to be the guy I was before, where I was neglecting her LL of quality time or gifts, I may as well stay home. That is what I'll be working on including listening to her more and validating her feelings. I'll be checking my ego at the door and forget that our marriage is a competition. The last thing I want to be is manipulative. That's one of the reasons I left my 1st wife.
My changed behavior so far is not running my mouth and letting her speak. If there isn't anything really important to tell her, I wish her a good day/evening and end the conversation Last night it was D's b-day and since she's too young to understand, I called W so I could just tell her that I was very grateful that she decided to postpone her b-day party until I was there. I told her that it meant a lot to me. I told her that's all I wanted to say and to have a good evening.
My plan is to really listen to her words, pay attention to her non-verbals and focus on her. It's difficult to do this long-distance, so I'm planning on applying myself.
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What it also says, is that IF that is true, what happens when you go there with the premise to help her move, you try to take over, temperature check her. She gets pissed, you fight, and you passive aggressively say "fine!", and travel back to your base ????
And then you come here, and post about how miserably YOU were treated by her...
Oh, no! I went through that sitch over last Christmas/New Years. I will completely avoid stuff that will bring us to that point. That was a miserable time.
The move is absolutely her call so I am there to help. Not take over. I've told myself that so as to prepare. No offering solutions unless she asks.
I don't think it would be wise to temp ck with how short of a visit and it being the first since the BD.
Ok, here's a better goal. Don't travel back with regrets or bad feelings toward her. That's what happened the last trip.
