Taking a step back-a fresh start

[cbtdad]

Ok, so I was having a great day all day today. Then I saw W and there went that.
I asked her if it would be ok to stop by and see him in between appointments for a little bit and she said sure. So I get there before they do and I go to get him out of car. Son says he wants to play pirates game( its a video game on ps3), I said in a little bit daddy wants to play first. He flips out screaming and crying.
I told wife this game seems like all he wants to do.
Every time I go over there he is playin this game non stop.
Anyways, she then says he only acts like this when I'm around.
Just very belittling. I did my best not to get in an argument and walked away.
Well about 30 min later she comes walking up asking me about his person who sent me a message about OM, wanting to know who it was.
I told her I was not going to tell her. She let it go.
She then begins to tell me is always upset around me. I asked her why and she said she doesn't know. I didn't respond I just while that stinks to hear. I went and told son goodbye and then told her bye.
I was thinking about sons reaction and how we haven't taking him to do anything in a couple of weeks. So I texted her the following:

Me: Would you be up for doing something with S tomorrow afternoon/early evening?

W: not really

Me: ok. I'll just see him Sunday then

But instead of just leaving it at that, I sent the following:
Me: Do you even want me to keep this appt with MC on the 7th?

I swear I can't get out of my own way and do the dumbest things.
I'm doing great all day then see W and do something stupid

[cbtdad]

Somehow I get saved and still have a little hope. I have got to get out of my head and my own way. I need to let it go for now. It's the only chance I have.
So if you saw my post above you would see that I messed up.
Well, about 15 mins after I posted that W texted me back, and didn't answer that dumb question I asked about MC thank goodness, she said S wanted me to come over and play on playground. So I went and played for an hour. Afterwards we were giving him a bath. W said, sorry that I don't want to do anything tomorrow it's just that I've seen you 3 days in a row and I don't want to get into any "conversations"
I said I understand and I apologize for even asking the MC question. She then said she just want to get through his horse show without any added stress before hand. I said that makes sense.
So then we started discussing the horse show and she was telling me about who was staying at her dads house. I said that's nice, all people who are anti-me joking of course. She laughed and said they aren't anti-you they are just pro-me, I had to laugh at that. She went on to say she actually bats things off her trainer, who's a good friend of hers as well.
She told her trainer that she doesn't think she wants it to work.
She said her trainer said you have control over whatever you want to work.
Not sure what to really make of that statement.
But my response was, "I don't care if you want it to work. I'm not sure i know if I want it to work. I just want you to want to at least try and make it work"
I won't see her till Sunday. Thank God. Time to get out and GAL

[Grizz]

I have a hard time too not letting W bait me into doing/saying stupid things. A few days ago, W walked through our bedroom, didnt speak, and went downstairs for the night. For some reason this really bothered me. I couldn't leave it alone so I went downstairs and asked her if she was staying down there for the night. She said yes. I said, you know you don't have to be rude.

This was so stupid. Only further convinced her that she didnt want to be around me. Lesson learned I guess.

We all make mistakes trying to DB. Somehow you/we need to find a way to stop shooting ourselves in the foot. Keep at it. Good luck.

[cbtdad]

Thanks Grizz! I just feel like W is giving me a roadmap sometimes and I can't even seem to stay on it. I noticed what you said on another thread about watching every word you say. I can't stand this. I even write notes in my phone on things I will say to make sure it doesn't come out wrong. That's ridiculous to have to do.

[sayitaintso]

I just feel like W is giving me a roadmap sometimes and I can't even seem to stay on it.

And you think your WAW's roadmap is going to lead you to your goal?

Put your life in your hands cb. Be the man and father you want to be. Define yourself and do your best to live as authentic to who you are.

Not to win your wife back but to be who you are meant to be.

The walking on egg shells and worrying about every little spoken word plagued me for a long time.

It came to a point gradually where I started to make decisions and doing things for myself and speaking how I felt. Not to get a reaction out of my WAW but regardless of any reaction from her.

[cbtdad]

"It came to a point gradually where I started to make decisions and doing things for myself and speaking how I felt. Not to get a reaction out of my WAW but regardless of any reaction from her."

That's exactly where I want to get back to. I hate the walking on eggshells. It has gotten better as time has gone by, but its still there.

You're right. Roadmap was wrong choice. I need to stay on my map

[uRworthy]

You really should try to stick to one thread. .

Wasnt sure which one to post to but I like the title of this one better.

I just wanted to answer what you asked on JP's thread.

You dont have to trust your wife. I am sure you have reason not to.

Here's the thing. Telling her that you dont trust her is the problem.

Right now, she doesnt care if you trust her or not.

And telling her you dont is not helping you.

The way through all this is to become the best you. When you make the changes and they are real, when you say to yourself, no matter what happens, I will be ok.

When you tell yourself that you are moving forward with your life without regard to what your wife is doing. When you become strong and act with dignity.

Only then will there be a chance to forge a future with your wife.

She is on a journey that she has to take. You getting in the way of it stops her moving forward and it stops you, too.

C, think about what you hope to accomplish by telling her you dont trust her.

Let her blow in the wind right now.

You worry about you.

Become who you were meant to be. That is what will give you the best chance of saving your marriage.

Continuing to do the same things over and over - wont.

[Grizz]

Thanks uR, I needed that today. Actually wished I would have read it about 3 hours ago though.

[cbtdad]

Thanks Urworthy!
Yeah I told her that a couple weeks ago and I've said it a few times since.
Today was the first time I've talked to her since Friday. Weird day for sure, she wouldn't leave my sight it seems like. I personally think for 2 reasons.
1. I had a great weekend doing my own thing and I really felt for the first time that I will be good either way and she needs to do her own thing and so do I.
2. I was out with a girl I met last weekend on Friday night. Ran into some of wifes friends and I'm sure this got back to her.

I felt today that we are going to be ok either way. If we do divorce I think out relationship will be fine, which is great for our son.
If we do go to counseling or something else I still think there is a chance we can reconcile. I'm not pushing for this now though.
I'm going to worry about me and continue to become the best man I can be

[Grizz]

Cbt, was it a date? I have to admit that I have thought about the idea of another woman. I am just so friggin lonely. Not lonely for people but lonely for touch (different than just horny lol). But, I know if I even approach this that the odds of R really decrease. Just curious about your and others thoughts.