Crazy little thing called MLC

[AJM]

Um. Just a second. I know you're hurt right now, but bear with me a second.
He said:

I am a mess right now. We just ended up in a R talk. H wants to move on. He said the following:
I will never be able to forgive him.
I'm too judgmental.
I'll always bring the past up. 5 yrs from now ill be bringing it up
I am strong and independent and don't need him
I don't want him back even if he asked.
I can do much better than him
He has put me on a pedestal in so many ways. I deserve better than him

So...basically he's saying you couldn't forgive him for what he's done? Does he want to be forgiven? I know in my case my ex specifically said she does not want to be forgiven. She says she's happier now than she was "under my influence". But I think she doeth protestith too much

When I see those things said, I think to myself, "what are they really saying?" Why do I think that? Because I see more than the words.

I think what he's expressing is guilt. Resignation to the guilt (I can't undo it, so I'm going to run away). I would think that it would be in line to say that if he feels that way, doesn't miss what you had and doesn't want to work through the issues together, then there isn't much that can be said.

When he says those things, I hear him saying he can't forgive "himself". That he doesn't feel worthy after what he's done. I don't think that's realistic and I know for a fact he can't say what you will or won't do or how you feel or think. He has some ideas how he would feel etc, but can't possibly know what you will do. It's all new ground for the two of you.

Any thoughts how to bridge that gap?

AJ