"Get Me" by Ben Watt, Everything But The Girl "I never thought I'd grow up so fast so far. To know yourself is to let yourself be loved.
And I want to be addicted, I want to be secure, I want to wake up after the night before, but do you ever get me?
Do you ever get me?
I'll press your hand against my face, weaken my resistance. I'll pull the sheets over our heads, let the broken sky break above our heads.
And I want to be addicted, I want to be secure, I want to wake up after the night before, but do you get me?
Do you ever get me?
Shower me with affection and I'll return in kind. I have no hidden motive, I am blind.
I'm a stone inside a box, I'm a spring inside a clock, you can wear me on your wrist and I'll tell you things ten thousand times, but do you ever get me?
Do you ever get me?"
The History: H dropped bomb in November 2003. I gave him option to work on M or move out until he would work on M. Apparently, we're in disagreement on how this actually happened, nonetheless he moved and started interviewing lawyers. Discovered DB in late November, after making many enormous mistakes... begging, guilting and being downright nasty. Joined the boards in December. I have been working on being independent and happy and on being a friend and partner to H.
I was unemployed (six months) at the time of the bomb, but started working in a new place that I love in January. Other than that I'm trying new hobbies and interests and traveling. I've met a lot of the DBers and so far y'all are great people.
Decided not to contest D. We had a mutual friend handle the paperwork, which was tough on everyone. Got all of the endless paperwork done, which was a real drag. When I went to sign the very last -- supposedly -- piece of paper, H put the D on hold. A week later, he told me that he couldn't do it and the D was back on. That was eight months ago, but we're still not divorced. Date has been set in March to dismiss the D for lack of action.
In June H started showing more interest in my life; and we have gradually gone from hanging out to dating to something like going steady. I went through an extremely ambivalent period over the holidays, during which my H's attitude seemed to change for the better. Right now, I think I'm erring on the side of trying to work things out. Communication between the two of us is incrementally improving between us. Our status as near as I can guess it is like that dating stage where the couple is trying to figure out how to be a couple... but of course we've got baggage. (sigh)
I started with a new therapist this week for long term therapy... I'm not so sure about her. I know it was just her first session, but I think she's off base or at least can't figure out why I'm in therapy. I can't imagine it will take more than two sessions for her to get a better picture of what is going on. Maybe it's just me that doesn't like not knowing where all of the needling is supposed to get us.
We are a couple despite what it looks like on the outsideAt this point, I don't think moving to piecing is overly hopeful or forcing the issue. I think we are working on this mess with an intentions of love and compassion. What remains to be seen is if it is actually possible to get our act together enough to spend the rest of our lives together.
I may be determined, but I know that there are elements in all of this that are beyond my control. He (or we) may decide to let it go; and though it will hurt very badly and be highly humiliating, I will be okay with it (no matter who decides). And so I am meeting life head on in a way that would make HD Thoreau very pleased. (That's not to say it doesn't make me queasy thinking about it.)
There are several major issues that I'm concerned about right now. 1) How to communicate, when we've got so much garbage between us. 2) How to be a couple when we're both very independent. 3) How we're going to improve our sexual relationship when we apparently can't talk about it. I hope that you piecers will be able to give me a little insight how to navigate in the world of "us." Thanks for reading. Have a great day. --z
