LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

Thanks IO and JP. I am recognizing how impulsive I am in my reactions. I don't think it's just because I am so emotional during this rollercoaster. I tend to make up my mind about things really quickly. My W used to say that I would stop listening and start thinking about what my response was before she finished speaking. (Eureka! ding! ding! ding!)

When I got home today there was a letter from my W's mom. I opened it and there was a check in it for a significant amount of money. Since her parents don't know she's staying with her brother right now, I texted her that the letter came and about the check. She responded with a 'thank you' for letting her know and expressed that she wished I would have asked her before opening it. She asked me to tell her what the note said so she could thank her mom properly.

I immediately felt anger and combativeness. I wanted to text back something to sting like "Now I can't open your mail? Have it forwarded!" I put down the phone and waited 1 hour, took a shower and came back to it.

After letting the initail emotion pass... I texted back the contents of the letter and apologized for opening her mail as an error in judgement. I told her my instict was that she would tell me to open it. THEN...I told her that while I had her attention I wanted her to know that I passed the admissions exam to Kaplan and was approved for financial aid and I am waiting to hear what my monthly payment on te balance would be. I expressed my excitement and that I hoped we could afford it.

She texted me back Three times... that she was proud of me, to keep her posted, and then again that she was proud of me.

I took the opportunity of having to tell her about the check to try to have a pleasant interaction with her. I don't know why, but it felt right at the time and I'm happy I did. I was reading about LRT and "Dark" on one of the threads the other day and the analogy was used to think about it as a dimmer switch and not to miss the opporunities to lighten up a bit on occasion.

What do you all think? Is it more effective to remain completely dark or should I think of it as a dimmer switch and when the opportunity arises to have a positive interaction go ahead and take it?