darth vader and i

[BFloat]

oh Mach.. you are so very very accurate.

i am totally spinning! and you are right.. i have no plan! i know this.. and yet i can't see past my own a** and rather sit here wallowing in my own self-pity. i hate this girl..

last summer.. i had a clear plan on how i wanted my life to look.. but after having H back in the house for the past couple of months.. it feels almost like day 1 all over again. almost.

so what to do...

last night i decided to get up off said a** and start the 60 day exercise plan. actually, i was feeling really good when i was doing a kickboxing circuit in the fall. even H noticed but, that got put on hold when i started a new job. so... back to square one.. i look good.. maybe i will feel good.

sort out my messy home life. i am actually one of those overly organized people. i would label everything if i could. including my children. but my home.. like my life is in complete disarray. it drives me bonkers and i need to get to a place where i feel some peace by my surroundings.

i'm taking the kids away for the weekend. going to visit some family friends by the beach. it will give me a chance to regroup.. and regain some clarity in my life. i did mention in an email to H that if he were going to be here this weekend, that i didn't want any women here. i figure.. it's my house.. i should feel safe in it.