I’ll start off by stating that my login name seems to be a bit unfitting …should have been lostbuthopeful.
My story is much like many others I’ve read here. W left five weeks ago, no warning, I saw no signs. Appears to be textbook WAW, but this is all so alien to me that I’m not sure I’m seeing anything clearly at this point. She simply stated that she didn’t love me anymore and that she wanted out; she was gone within the hour. We have had little communication since then, and most of it revolves around our children, bills, etc. She has made a few comments that make me feel as though she has some doubts, but I’m trying very hard not to read too much into anything. Time and patience, right? I don’t even know how much detail I should go into at this point…
I began what I now know as the LRT within a few days…a little of the expected neediness in the first few days, but very little. I reasoned pretty quickly that any fussing was likely to just make things worse; I was also able to identify pretty quickly that I need to work on me, be the best me I can be. Not only is it my only hope for a way to mend our R, but the only way for me to really be healthy no matter how this all comes out. I didn’t pick up DR until last weekend; I’m reading through it for the second time now. It has been very helpful and uplifting, but at this point I’m not even sure how much applies to my sitch.
I know that LRT pretty much precludes any of the other approaches at this point, other than maybe doing GAL/180’s, which I understand I need to do for myself. Most of the time, I’m not sure how to GAL. When I stay in and relax, I feel like I’m supposed to be out ‘living’; when I go out and try to ‘live’ I pretty much feel like a lonely catastrophe. Some things, like cleaning the house, journaling, and walking the dog are decent enough diversions, but a bit hollow and short lived. I enjoy activities with my kids, but they are busy (s20 in college with serious GF, and s18 AP high school student/track star) with their own lives; my mood swings are hard on them, and I’m bound and determined not to subject them to too much of me. When they need their space, I try to encourage them to just get out and do their thing.
I have truly concluded a few things: 1) I love my W, no strings, no expectations; 2) I want my wife to be happy, but it’s very hard to make the leap to being comfortable with her being happy with a whole new life (I’m trying); 3) I want for me to be the best I can, no matter what (this is really difficult too); 4) I will not give up! I find it very difficult at times to banish troubling thoughts, fears, and concerns. Any advice or methods I might use to help me in this area will be greatly appreciated.
I suppose that’s enough for now. Anyone who can suggest how I can best interact here in this community, please let me know. Confusion and uncertainty, two entities with which I’m not really familiar, seem to rule me at this point. Thanks to all.
