i think i've said before i wonder if this jerk of an h i have has "made me his mother" and as we all know- hates his mother. he hasn't talked toher in about 6 or 8 years. he thinks she's a selfish, conceited jerk. uh hem- she left him and dad for someone handsomer & richer (well, honestly- alot nicer too) -
soooo - i've wonderd a million times if in his jerky brain- he latched on to me - all homey, nice, family oriented. careing - caregiving- cooks, sews, etc.- (PERFECT MOM MATERISL)
and now all of a sudden he's off "havin fun" with some ow- she is a mom tho- matter of fact.
isn't it a darn shame the stinking hoops we jump thru and the agonizing we do over th is and that and each new bit of info or action- these guys should rot in H_ll - sorry to say it- for what they do to us. just me venting- but you know-
they tra la along- maybe yours is miserable- mine, he's probably happy as a stinking clam - why not. he's "havin fun" - he is soooooo deserving- he's got people lining up to be in love with him- dope- hope it's all worth it and "in the end" he is happy with his choices.
we had the nicest r of anyone i ever knew- he is too big a fool to see it
you're fine. it's true - we're nice gals and these guys honed in on alllll the wonderful qualities he had that they were wanting and missing in life- and now, WHAT - "THEY'RE all sdrewed up"
not our job. not our problem (except for th epain they cause us) - nothing to do with us- just two screwie guys that can't say no to self- can't say "buck up guy- look at all the good things you have to be grateful for" - the grass is not greener- it's childish and insane to think it. NO ONE has it all- sooner or later it all blows to h_ll and you pay.
oh well again- couldn't save my sister from the addition & alcohol- can't save my mother from old age & dementia - can't same him - can't save mself- can't save anyone.
i think all we can do is continue along- be us- be kind if we can muster it- have compassion- be true to our natures - try and fight the desire sometimes to hate - and try to avoid just wallowing in anger - try to continue on and be a decent citizen. its all i am- just a nice guy prtty much and a decent citizen. i just feel tonite like I can't do all this strategy- dbing - thinking and working really hard every minute to figure things out - i'm tired and chilly
so- i don't know if my light is on now. tonite anyway. i feel done and kind of thru. I'm here- but i feel alot less like trying even- what does it matter? he's havin fun and i'm working my head off- at what i'd like to know? and for what I'd like to know. i just keep keeping busy so i don't think- don't brood - don't , don't don't -
oh man- if I ran into an intriguing man tonite there'd be hell to pay. i'm soooo sick of being the "bad guy" for all the stuff i didn't even do or know about.
even if it were allll my fault- who in the universe could possible do this much evil all on my own- without even knowing?? it would have to have taken a heck of alot of planning and forethought and work to wreck his life so completely.
and as for "accidentally happened" - so like what, he tripped and his P_nis fell into her?????wtf???
i'm outta here- just winding around like a goober- need to go find a tv show and some food and get warmed up a bit- got chilly again.
xxo (( )) hang on- we can do it- (whatever "it" is)
