Dawn - the whole "being alone while lying next to someone you've spent roughly half your life loving" - [censored]
I am not sure if I want my H to "follow" because the entirety of our M has not been good. I look at the idea of him "coming out" of his MLC to be... what? Like he has been for most of our marriage? I am definitely NOT interested in that. Like a version of who I met and fell in love with? Consider me very skeptical of that being remotely possible.
You are not alone in feeling this way! My H was the good guy, nice man, nice dad, hardworking and very generous, but just there.
I don't fighting to get back what I may not want. Honestly, I could/would have lived the rest of my life w/h the way we were. Though it was blah, it was solid, we were a good family. He has taught me that I was missing out and now I want more. Especially, knowing that the idiot does know how to pay attention and dote on someone as he did a yr ago.
Though I would never admite it maybe there is a part of me that hopes H will come out of this a better man, having learned a wonderful lesson about L, and R, and M, even life, and become the man he was when we met. I am all for people learning and atoning for their mistakes and bringing forth a much improved version of themselves.
I have read about MLCer's doing just that. I'm sure you have as well, maybe that's the little bit of hope we hold out for. But, you are not dumb, stay in the right, you have done nothing wrong, I'm right there with you, maybe we're all just a little tired, but for sure, we are alot done already.
<3 dm
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
maybe there is a part of me that hopes H will come out of this a better man, having learned a wonderful lesson about L, and R, and M, even life, and become the man he was when we met. I am all for people learning and atoning for their mistakes and bringing forth a much improved version of themselves. 
