My Story - Need Advice (Thread 2)

[sandi2]

I've always thought being a talker is a good thing. Something I have learned through this is therapy and self reflection is that in my case, my W was always the dominant personality, so I would try (which I didn't see at the time) to assert myself by taking charge of a discussion or an argument... When I should have been actively listening. That is one of the things I have been working on, and now that I've stopped pursuing, I'm trying to do..however, she seems to be limiting any talking right now since I stopped engaging...

Have you grown enough to realize how "rude" that type of behavior is(or as you call it....taking charge of a discussion)?

You have brought it up in many posts about how you are a fixer and a talker. I don't know many men who aren't fixers.....but you can learn that your fixing is not always appreciated. You need to retrain yourself to stop.

Same thing about controlling your urge to overtake conversations. That is extremely rude! I would tend to think your WAW doesn't want to hear anything you have to say, especially about the M. That is just typical for a WAW.

So, you have two big areas of personal change you can work on. Yes, it is very hard to do.....but you can do it. I did it! And, guess what? I learned the world around me does just fine without me trying to fix its problems. I learned that my non-talkative S can choose to talk to me or we can be quite together....but I don't have to give a lecture whenever I say something. Is the urge to take over still there? Sure ! But I have learned to discipline my actions.

So, you can do it. You won't do it as long as you talk about how hard it is. And, for what it's worth, it probably would do no good whatsoever if you said your piece to your W. You can't force a person to love you. If she doesn't want to live with you, then love her from a distance....but don't try to force her to love you back. It will only push her further away.

I don't understand why men have such a fear that if they don't pursue, it will make her think he doesn't still want the M. If they really understood the WAW