Harder and harder

[Positivespin]

Sandi2 rule #33 - DO NOT GIVE UP NO MATTER HOW DARK IT IS OR HOW BAD YOU FEEL!

I had a mtg last night that did not end until 10PM. My wife was at the house last night. I sat down in my car, turned it on, and dreaded the thought of going home. I prayed that she would be asleep and I wouldnt have to see her. I saw her car in the driveway and the anxiety began. I looked through the windows as I was driving up and no lights- AMEN!

Perhaps the 3.5 months of affairs is getting to me. Perhaps the nasty cold shoulder she has been giving me is beginning to work. Maybe its the short tempered "snippiness" that drains me of optimism has taken its toll..........

I am 500X stronger then in January and yet still not strong enough. I dont know who this other woman is- and she doesnt care.

Im probably sealing my fate. Im staying positive and when she speaks I give her my undivided attention. I cant speak to her. Im actually scared. Every word I think I want to say is now being over analyzed in my head and maybe 25% come out.

Im REALLY trying not to be distant- but its not working at this time. We have NOW become "roommates".

She told me this morning that she has called several property management companies looking for an apartment but has heard back from no one.

She also said that she is still losing weight - but doesnt want to anymore.

she comes to the house and after D goes to bed she disappears to the guest room with her cellphone and Ipad.

Im working /focusing on me like a bastard. Certification complete, awesome bond with my D, Down 48 lbs and have a clear set of goals to work on.

I have MC tomorrow- I dont want to cancel because im afraid it will be used against me. Causing me alot of anxiety because we are at the stage of discussing workable plans for our daughter and co-parenting.

Maybe ill call out of work tomorrow- need a "mental Health" day