The View from the Blanket III

[bustingout]

Thank you SIAS and NG!!

Sometimes I can't believe how far I have come... And where it was I came from...!! Yeah me!

Someone actually told me today 'you look happy'!!! I have not heard that in Years!! Usually it's 'are you ok?' ' you look angry' ' is something wrong?' Lol

I am happy. I am happy because I know it's mine. It can't be taken away from me because its in me.

I do miss H. Not the R we had. I miss the man that was my friend and confidante the man that was my family. And I know it's ok to miss him and I know I messed up the R too. I am sorry for that. I also know that I have skills to create a new R with anyone that can be healthy and loving for both parties.

So I am trying out what my coach suggested and texted H today with more details about the kids in a friendly way ( i did it in the firm of a news report) He didn't respond but when h called today he said he liked it- so that's good. I want to keep him as informed about the kids as possible. He doesn't like to talk to me or ask questions so maybe this is a way forward for the kids sake. We'll see it's still early days.

Next weekend is graduation at my school. I am one of the organisers and its always a big event. H's best frind's daughter is graduating (and got an offer for Oxford!! ) so I invited h to come ( I am allowed to bring spouse and H's best friend used all of his allocated spaces for his own family), and he said he will think about it. S8 also has a competition that weekend and S8 asked him to come for that as well. I really don't think he will come back for any of it - the offers are there and he knows that S, best friend and all would be happy to have him around for the festivities ( H's best friend is also throwing a big party tha weekend).

Anyway- it won't take away from any of us if he doesn't come ( well it would make S8's day if his father were watching him). I extended the offer in a friendly way I think- not pursuing or holding my breath. Hopefully just keeping the road smooth ...