i have felt the desire to announce to everyone about H and OW(s). But in the end, it always comes down to the fact that exposing him may hurt him in the eyes of his friends and family.. but it doesn't the diminish the pain i feel.. it doesn't change his actions.. it doesn't change things between H and i. that brief moment of satisfaction would probably be followed by remorse that i possibly put a huge wedge between him and his parents for much longer then i felt justified.
i'm not really sure where i'm going with this. lol. it's late..
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
She is two different people. it sadly needs to be her conclusing of her mixed up life right now...like an alcoholic. I struggled with hiding xW wife affairs and 3 therapists (Including 2 we saw) wonder what the heck I protect her for. It hurts us to protect them and is the only reason they feign the niceties. Hence her fake statements of you hope to be friends and you or be angry. She is controlling your emotion and your ability to detach. I have since let certain people know, and not to turn them against her but, rather protect myself as suggested by psych and lawyer and friends and family thatu know. People were accusing me of being the one that strayed and did wrong so only people that bring that up, I correct them. I have been blessed with so much Support and a weight has been lifted off. It is not my shame as I was taking it all in as such. It is damaging as psych says and psych also explained that it will free me of any guilt I harbour inside that is misguided. It has worked. Protecting her will only enable her to excuse the behaviour and validate it. Just don't expect her back if you do. It has liberating me a bit and psych is proud of me for knowing my boundaries and not be held hostage to her misdeeds. Taking all the blame is not healthy. My xW has done the same about telling people I am crazy. That is not fair and is bullying. just tell the truth without slamming her and let those make their own opinions after.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
As much of a struggle as it is, you sound like you are making progress and moving forward to a good place.
Thanks Hopeful. It's a process and I understand I'm going to have to work thru the feelings as part of that. I know I'll end up in a good place as I have grown an awful lot. But these days are the hardest.
Originally Posted By: Inside Out
BD you are some kind of strong
Hah! I don't feel strong at all. I feel like I'm losing my grip on sanity most days here lately.
More and more is unfolding. As good as the last 8-9 months have been from my perspective, W was seeing OM still and was just biding her time until the house sells. She's been running a double life to a point. She simply says "I have an evening appt for work" and then goes with OM. He seems to be separated from his W now, so they are spending a lot of time at his house. It's like trying to understand crazy....there's just no sense to most of it, so I'm trying not to think about it.
That said, we did have about an hour discussion this morning about moving forward. We talked about expectations regarding being home for the kids and at one point I said, "if you want to set up a schedule that works for the kids and allows you to see OM, I'd rather do that than have the disappearing act." She started to tell me I was crazy and I just said, "stop...there's no need any longer. I don't like your choices, but I'll support them."
I think we established a path forward. I said I wanted some consistency for the kids and D asap. We discussed some of the in and outs, but didn't really disagree on anything. We dropped the price of the house 10k and hashed thru most of the remaining household stuff.
There's definitely going to be some wake up calls. It's a little weird that she filed last July, has been seeing OM for at least 18 months, and she really has no exit plan. She is talking about moving in with her brother for the short term. No longer my problems, so I just nod my head. I guess it makes as much sense as the rest of it lol
Absolutely. I keep telling myself that to keep from falling into the mud with W. I have to accept what is, and keep my kids at the forefront of my mind.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
All of that work from your Bootcamp thread is not wasted.
None of this is wasted time.
It has, and will, make you a better, stronger, faster Six-Million Dollar Breakdown ( although you probably won't see any of that money).
Though I am extremely hurt by my W's actions, I have thanked her on many occasions, even yesterday in this middle of this storm....for helping me find me. Her behavior pushed me to face my own demons, to become a better person. Even though she didn't do it intentionally, she did help get me started.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Who knows what the future holds buddy...
I agree! I'm a little excited to be honest. It's being overwhelmed by hurt at the moment, but as I hurt less, more hope and excitement comes thru.
Do I want to be with a woman who lies and cheats? Hell no. If anything, I stood too long in the face of her blatant disrespect for our M. I allowed her to manipulate me, to frustrate me, to hurt me. No more.
I'm no longer standing for my M....I'm standing for me.
Awesome!!!!! Don't back down, fight for your rights in a loving way. Use your energy as a shield not a sword, because chopping people down is not in our job title.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
