It is a delicate balance maintaining hope but having zero expectations. I am getting to, and staying in that place a lot now.

The Wednesday invite to stay at W house isn't going to work unfortunately. I stayed here last night and as of writing this she is M.I.A. When we discussed it I told her that I needed to think about it, but would do a trial evening. Trial is definitely a failure as I am not about to relive the pain of the months pre-separation for even one night a week. I had told her that if she didn't feel comfortable enough having me here to be here herself that I wasn't interested.

The sad thing is that her guilt is taking over where the anger toward me was. But the action is the same: avoidance. I hope that over time I can help her feel safe enough to want to be around me.

Going to adjust our Wednesdays to something else until she feels differently.
In the meantime more DB and focus on me and S.

Me-36 W-31
M-7
S-5
BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand

Seeking means: to have a goal
Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal