I've been working on detaching. Went out with a friend last night. We always seem to end up going to bars, and I'd much prefer to actually DO something instead of just try to drown my sorrows. Besides, as the saying goes, my sorrows have learned to swim. I'm sure there are activities out there, but it's tough since I'm unfamiliar with how to go about finding them.
W told me this morning that she has scheduled an appointment with a mediator. This essentially means that my worst fears are confirmed and a D is inevitable. I'm really going to have to get busy figuring out everything that I'm going to need to survive on my own in this foreign country, with few friends and no family nearby to lean on. I have been praying for some miracle to happen to change W's mind about things, and I really tried to do my best to make W's life easier by helping out more with kids and bousehold chores. But Sandi was right: those things aren't enough and I just set myself up for a big disappointment. I know that there was other work that I needed to focus on, and ironically I now must focus on those issues even harder to survive here and to be a father to my children, who as I've said are the apple, the tree, the orchard of my eye.
Pfft, it's sad, because W and I had issues right from the start, but we always just kept our heads down and worked to build a life together, and we just kept drifting apart while we were busy making other plans.
In my heart I never truly believed the DB could work, because once W decides on a course of action and makes up her mind, nothing and no one can change it. I'd like to think I've grown through all of this, but the truth is I haven't and I'm scared for the future and my R with my kids. Perhaps this will be the wake up call I need to finally goad me into action.
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
