TaDa!! Well almost lol! Checked last night emails and boards at 7:30 or so, which is longer than I have gone before. Kept my phone on and messaging, but turned off email.

H texts yesterday morning, got it about an hour later. It was just chit chat so replied in kind. No reply. Found myself checking phone, so left it at home for three hours while I went out. Texted when I got back "hangover must have won" which got a reply. Turns out he has a bike (bicycle). Whether he bought it or girlfriend bought it for him is unknown. I said I had to go and TTYL.

I was angry for a bit; why does he have a bike, GF cycles blah blah. If he bought it it is extravagant. If she bought it even more so, since she does not make a lot of money, although she does not have custody. Kids live with Dad.
Then I sifted through those emotions and realized that my anger wasn't valid and misplaced. I was angry that he gets to do another activity, one I don't do. That takes him more into GF realm. I was angry he or she spent the money (one of my LL's are gifts :~ )
So, I looked at it and let it go. I did smile. It does not affect me or my life, so I let it go. Now, I can't look at H and say "how wonderful and exciting" but I can let it go...which is a step.

Emailed H last night with warning that D13 saw my tatt(H and I got them last week. Mine is fairly hidden, so people don't know we road tripped. They thought he went alone...). We emailed back and forth and the emails got confusing, so we were joking around and I said

"Focus has always been an issue...squirrel!"

H- "LOL. WHo are you again?"

This is where it gets interesting, because my reply and his went like this:


"Your amazing ex. :p

-Who is running a half in 11 days just cuz smile

-Who rocked just dance Abba, Zumba and the spring hill bitch plus sprints.

-Who has painted and patched

-Who is going to bed so she can log her 13k before she works:)

Night mister. Have a good one."

His reply? "Ouch"

Me:
"No ouch. Just feeling so amazing these days.been meditating, reading Pema Chodron, leaning in rather than running away. It is so very good.
I am truthfully experiencing a little difficulty with connectedness but I think the fact that I am inherently sarcastic may have to do with that lmfao!!"

He said "Oh"

I left it very friendly and wished him good night.

I am frickin' amazing these days, well, most days. The meditation is helping as is Chodron. Working on me in order to require less validation from others.

Day four.