Hey I really need your advice. I've been wanting to talk to you for a few weeks because i dont want to talk to go to any of my friends that know husband out of respect for him. I'm really losing faith in my husband as a businessman and I know that is a really sh*tty thing to say as a wife. Believe me its a really sh*tty feeling to have also. He tells me how hard he works and how its just not getting him anywhere and i just sit there silently. I've told him so many times that there's a difference betweem working hard and working smart and I'm pissed about that fact that he didnt get a tv commercial on TV years agowhich would have created barrier of entry for all those little competitors opening up everywhere. It also would have enabled him to get a better location in a much better area of town. Google maps his main store and you will see what I'm talking about.
This seems so f'ing obvious to me and to watch him sit there and scratch his head like hs doesn't know whats going on just strains my respect for him and again I feel awful even articulating that to anybody. But I look at where I want our family to be in the future and I just dont see how we are going to get there at this pace.
Obviously I realize I dont contribute financially, but me being a stay at home mom was his idea and he doesn't realize what a huge leap of faith it was for me to trust him to be the sole provider. This is exactly the situation I was raised to worry about. Now I'm having panic attacks I'm going to see a psychiatrist, she put me on an antidepressant...I dont know what else to say to him and what good could anything I have to say possibly do?? He's not a businessman, and irs not like I can pull a reset button out of my ass for him to pick a different profession as much as I wish I could.
Anyway, I just wanted to get your perspective on it....
SOME OF THE BACK AND FORTHS AFTER THAT:
Guy: Most importantly, is it only about the business? Wife: Yes, I love him, I dont want to leave him. I NEED him to be a better provider though.
Guy: What is holding you back from being more active in the business?
Wife: Our daughter cant stay in day care more than a few hours a day because they cant handle her.
Guy: If he cant step up, he needs to get a partner that can.
Wife: Well his brother has been helping him. hes just all over the place and doesnt focus. I need to get him Adederol or something lol But why do "I" have to be the one to save us when he doesn't even buy in to my way of doing things.??
Guy: Because he is not capable of it. You want an Alpha and you got a Beta. Its not a bad thing. he probably has great ideas. Implementation is not his thing. Hes not a one man show, he needs help. He should listen to you.. I bet you are the smartest person he knows.
Wife: He used to be Alpha and then something happened when we got married..lol
Guy: You neutered him?
Wife: In his mind I became his mother.
THIS IS ALL 10 DAYS BEFORE BD. Then, I remember a few days after BD, I was absorbed with reading relationship stuff on my phone all the time. So one day, she came over to me with the MBA book she had bought for me (which I had stopped reading in favor of relationship stuff) and she said, why dont you get off your phone and read the book i got you.
When I announced to her I was purchasing a new store on the nice side of town that she always thought I should be in, things started to warm. I was relating it to my DBing but now I think she is having some hope again.
That is why she has been asking me hows work going, and offering to help me again. the other day she signed my business up for Angies list, and also Groupon to run specials on. But she is on the fence, and still seeing OM for the thrill.
Another conversation in her FB chat was from just 4 hours ago (while she is at Oms). She is talking to a guy who is a friend of both of us. he is a good guy and has been going along with what she says she wants, but also playing devils advocate a little.
he said to her, so you and husband dont ML? Wife: No. Its not like that anymore Guy: So no attraction? nothing? Wife: Oh no, there is DEFINITELY attraction, I'm just with someone else now.
So what do I make of this? has made my 180s completely different. Some of the stuff of course is her point of you....like her knowing exactly what it takes to turn my business around...sure she does, but she has no answer for where we get the money to do it... so she's not very realistic.
Plus if I was never a business man, how come and 24 years old I was making 6 fgiures and was the most successful boyfriend in all her crew? She doesn't see that the economy hit us badly, and also I listened to her and borrowed too much to have an extragavant wedding, and redesign our house to make it very VERY nice, and also borrow 30k for her to go to school. also, me wanting her to be a stay at home mom....sure, Our daughter is three, plus the pregnancy time so a total of 4 years. What about the 10 years before that when she barely worked?
What kills me is again when people say things to someone who is venting and dont realize how desparate that person may be. This same guy is in a sex starved marriage and his wife "allows" him sex 2 or 3 times a year. But he hasn't left her! He tells my wife your husband is beta and you want an alpha, and you cant change him, he is juts not cut out for business, he needs a partner etc... and she bails on me.
What now?
I have been working diligently on business not for her, but becauase I feel like now I am solely responsible for D3. However, it would seem that is why she is warming up to me, and we seem to be REALLY close but just not sexual because there is this other guy. (Who has no job in 4 months, and is a high school drop out).
Suggestions?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
