Time for the Loop the Loop on this rollercoaster!

[SM34]

So the latest...

From the start of my sitch, i have been focused on the things that my wife spewed out during BD. Things like I don't finish projects arond the house, I don't dress like a business man, I come home too late from work, I don't pursue her sexually etc... And there is definitely some truth to ALL of these. But I was never satisfied with those being the reasons for my wife wanting out of our marriage.

Sandi said it best in her last post. She said why am I focused on goof interactions with my wife now, when it is obvious that we always had good interactions. So basically we dont have issues with fighting, or cursing at each other, or disrespecting each other, or any of those common issues that can benefit from a 180.

I was focused on the sexual side of the sitch, but even then I stated several times that we made love at least once or twice a week so again, this was probably not enough to leave an otherwise perfect marriage over (although I am sure she wants more sex and more pursueing, and I am not negating that things need to change in that respect for her to feel good about reconcilliation).

However, I know my wife, and she is not petty. I was never satisfied that those were the reasons. We have an AWESOME friendship that many couples would be envious of, and a genuine care for each other. Something else was going on...

Now you probably all remember several things that perhaps didn't make sense to you, and actually didnt make so much sense to me either.

1) I felt like I needed to expand my business in order to make more money, even if that may result in me working more, which was AGAINST one of the excuses my wife gave me for wanting to leave.

2) When the subject of GAL come up, I kept on gravitating towards trying to join the local chamber of commerce, or any small business groups so I can mingle with other business owners. Several of you told me to just GAL by doing something novel and fun, and put work aside for now.

3) I started reading the MBA book that my wife had gotten me. I wanted to learn more about how to be a successful business man. Actually my wife had gotten me this book AFTER BD.

4) We established one time that we thought that my wife's actions were a cry for help. That she wants to feel good about the marriage, and she wants to love me. But she also wants to be happy. OM is a loser and she knows it, so there must be something else going on in her head, and she needs a distraction from it.

I snooped on her FB messages a long time ago but it was with a focus on what she was saying to OM and trying to figure out the appeal that OM has. After finding no appeal that made sense, I dropped that.

Well, after all the weird stuff she has been saying to her best friend that didn't seem to add up, the session I had with HER therapist where she confirmed my wife never said she was unhappy in our marriage, something just didnt add up.

So tonight she is at OM's and she left her ipad with FB logged in. So I went really far back in her message and msot messages to her friends included the same cover up stories but with different twists. We only made love twice a month (huge re write of history), he comes from a different culture so that is becoming a problem (I was raised in a western community foreign to thaf of my family of origin), yadda yadda, all the cover up excuses you have heard me list. But where is the part where she lost respect for me?

So I looked at conversations with a good christian married guy friend who doesn;t know me. I went back and read the messages from a few days before BD. And there is was.... the ONLY message I have ever seen that pre dates the affair and so has my wife talking with complete sanity and clarity. No affair fog, no cover up excuses to justify her affair, no cover ups to not hurt my feelings... just the honest, educated truth!

So the nest post I am going to type WORD FOR WORD what the message says.....