Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Breakdown #2337855 04/11/13 12:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,041
Likes: 17
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,041
Likes: 17
Oh man. I am sorry. Sounds like she's having second thoughts and so is behaving badly in order to convince herself that this is what she really wants. What do you think? How can she say she loves you but still want D??


Me54, H53
M 23, T 25
S20, S18
BD: April 2024
Moved out: August 2024

Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.

"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
mamabird #2337900 04/11/13 03:33 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
Hey girl! Where you been!

Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
Oh man. I am sorry. Sounds like she's having second thoughts and so is behaving badly in order to convince herself that this is what she really wants. What do you think? How can she say she loves you but still want D??


She actually tried to apologize this morning, so I think it was more the booze and stress than anything else, but to repeat what she's told me time and time again, "those thoughts must be in there somewhere."

And I don't understand the ILUs and standing by D any more than anyone else....it's confusing. Luckily, I don't read anything into anything she does these days, so I'm really only confused if I stop and think about it crazy

I'm pushing forward at this point...I'm not waiting for her to decide what she wants. History has shown that she doesn't know.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Breakdown #2339379 04/15/13 04:34 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
I've been struggling the last few days so have been absent from the boards. Things have blown up here and I'm still trying to wrap my hands around it.

I found, completely on accident, that my W has been sending OM self pics of her in short skirts, and sleepwear. Some were from early last week and some as far back as December. Also found evidence that they were together in Chicago in October, so I'm almost certain this has been PA.

I honestly thought she was past OM...sure, still confused about what she wants for us, but I just didn't see this. She played on my insecurities and I fell right into it. At every suspicious thing, she blamed my insecurity, and as I worked thru my issues, I began to do the same....I wanted to believe her, and so I chose to.

I was already headed towards getting her a settlement agreement this week, so this really hasn't changed the "big stuff" with the exception that my intentions not so much to give her freedom, but to give it to myself.

Day to day has gone from awesome to crap. She seems to be going about things like everything's normal, but I am so angry and hurt, I can barely speak to her. She's in the spare bedroom now and I plan to get her completely out of the MBR in the next week, clothes and all.

Really looking forward to my workout today....I may have to add in some running to keep my head straight.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Breakdown #2339869 04/16/13 11:35 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
We've hashed thru most of the D details at this point. I'm not thrilled with it, but I will stand for this M and what it is supposed to mean (and a 3rd person isn't included!). I suspect we'll close this whole deal out in the next week or two.

I've barely been talking to W since I discovered this stuff, and today, while discussing assets, she says "I just want to be in a place where you aren't angry at me." And I said, "Do you think that's going to happen after we divide assets?!"

I can only shake my head. The awesome woman I married, who I thought had turned back up last year, is still lost. I wished I had really seen it, but she has done a superb job acting as if.

I'm pretty sad...and hurt. I've had a lot of anger the last few days but am focusing on forgiving her and moving forward. She really has been awesome for most of our M...I just didn't see it, and didn't appreciate it. Hopefully someday she'll feel the same of me.

For now, we'll part ways and in the back of my mind, I'll hope that we someday cross paths again.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Breakdown #2339879 04/17/13 12:25 AM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 743
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 743
Sorry to hear this, Breakdown. That must have been very hard and hurtful when you found the pics. I hope that you are able to work through the details with her.

It's very easy for us to look back and say that we didn't appreciate what our spouses were while we thought we were happily married, do don't beat yourself up too bad.

I hope that your kids hold up during all of this.


M44 H57
D17 (special needs)
M 18 yrs
Bomb 7/2/12
Still living together
hopefulinga #2339884 04/17/13 12:35 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
Thanks Hopeful. I appreciate it.

I still have hope. Hope that down the road W figures out her issues and stops seeing our time together as all negative. Hope that my kids aren't affected by our D like I was my parents'. Hope that she finds happiness, and so do I. And hope that it might, just might, be with each other again.

Until then, I'll put it in God's hands and keep pushing forward.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Breakdown #2339915 04/17/13 01:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 120
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 120
Thoughts and prayers with you Breakdown



M: 38
W: 43
D: 4
T: 14
M: 7
BD & W left: 03/01/13
Breakdown #2340411 04/18/13 05:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 642
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 642
Warm wishes and prayers for you BD. this is all crap. Our W's say the same stuff.

Her line: "I just want to be in a place where you aren't angry at me."

This is very, very self serving. Cake eating. Accepting this statement is saying okay to selfishness. Don't even acknowledge stuff like that. Validating someone's feelings is one thing, but validating selfishness....nah.

Look after yourself pal. I am learning that now. Maybe late in the game, but not too late.


M17 yrs.
me49
xW47
d15
d11

BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out)
Therapy 9 months (tried 2)
BD2- May/12(sep)
Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50
Sold home - Aug/13
Court #2 - Dec/13
Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again
We settled.
FloydMan #2340412 04/18/13 06:02 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
Thanks Floyd.

I'm a little worried about W. She seems like two totally different people. Most of the time, she is the woman I've known for most of my life and then with OM, she seems to turn into someone else. Perhaps it's just the fog of the affair.

I'm still struggling with where we are. I'm trying to get D paperwork done ASAP because we're both all over the place emotionally and I think it'll provide some stability.

I think I've pulled myself out of the weeds tonight. I thought long and hard about exposing her affair as she is telling everyone I'm crazy. But I've got to rise above that and be true to me, regardless of her actions. I want to put my anger away so I can work thru the hurt and really let her go.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Breakdown #2340417 04/18/13 07:19 AM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 743
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 743
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
I'm still struggling with where we are. I'm trying to get D paperwork done ASAP because we're both all over the place emotionally and I think it'll provide some stability.


I can completely relate to these thoughts and I think I've reached the same place, among other things. We've been all over the board since BD, and I see that continuing.

You are doing the right thing by taking the high road. Exposing the affair would be stooping to her level. I totally understand wanting people to not think you are crazy. My H has told the world that I'm a b!tch, crazy, the worst person on 2 feet, and now, probably a thief. Human reaction is to defend yourself.

In AlAnon, I've learned that I cannot control what other people think about me. On some level, I really don't care because I know who I am and I know the truth. And those that know me know the truth.

As much of a struggle as it is, you sound like you are making progress and moving forward to a good place.


M44 H57
D17 (special needs)
M 18 yrs
Bomb 7/2/12
Still living together
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5