My painting party wasn't for you, I like blue!

[nero]

hey hi-

sorry to be pushy - i'm so used to walking at nite- all winter that it doesn't sound so awful to me. sometimes it's all that keeps me from blowing up

sorry you're having such a bad time of it> wtf? I thought there was a little spark of hope a few days back- man oh man.

the blame- i guess it's what they do- blame us for every single thing wrong in their universe. what - toe hurts- it's you

idk- it's awful for sure. the birthday- maybe it will be okay with the kids - they love you and it's got to be heart-warming to be the mom they love.

i got nothin tonite. lonesome & blue myself so hardly one to have any opinion worth knowing. as usual- wish i could fix it all- wish we could share a glass of wine - etc.

instead - gonna go get in bed ALONE AS USUAL>

this life sure sux alot- sure wonder how long we can do this- how long we will do this- how long they'll do this (to us) etc.

my h has no interest at all in me or what the heck i'm doing from day to day- it's soooooo insulting to just be ignored- like i really needed more humility - wtf

oh well- i'm going to bed- i wish ya some sleep tonite and hope tomorrow is brighter. your poor ole h is sure a mess - it's hard to believe people actually say stuff like that to each other- that he's takng it out on you.

geeeez - how cna you know it- and even say it and not , wait, i was going to say hate looking at yourself in the mirror but that's the problem isn't it for him- he does hate himself. Oh God - what a mess.

hang on - (((( )))) xxo

[albamarie]

Nero, you weren't pushy at all, I just don't want to push myself out of his way when I want to be home.

He says he's not blaming me for anything, he calls me innocent, he says I am the one close to him and who can be hurt by him. His anger though is with everyone else, it through me off when he said his mom. I didn't know he has anger toward he at all.

So he made me his wife, I it took care for him, he called me mama, and now confesses he hates her? One more time, he dated me, married me, made me a mom, took my loving motherly care toward him, has hate for his mom, has an A with an OW who never had an H or was a mom.

So he has mom issue's? New to me! I have been doing everything to not be motherly to him, I guess I have to do more, or less!?

Nero, we are not the ones in the wrong here! We are great gals, in a bad sitch!

[nero]

holy cow dawn-

i think i've said before i wonder if this jerk of an h i have has "made me his mother" and as we all know- hates his mother. he hasn't talked toher in about 6 or 8 years. he thinks she's a selfish, conceited jerk. uh hem- she left him and dad for someone handsomer & richer (well, honestly- alot nicer too) -

soooo - i've wonderd a million times if in his jerky brain- he latched on to me - all homey, nice, family oriented. careing - caregiving- cooks, sews, etc.- (PERFECT MOM MATERISL)

and now all of a sudden he's off "havin fun" with some ow- she is a mom tho- matter of fact.

isn't it a darn shame the stinking hoops we jump thru and the agonizing we do over th is and that and each new bit of info or action- these guys should rot in H_ll - sorry to say it- for what they do to us. just me venting- but you know-

they tra la along- maybe yours is miserable- mine, he's probably happy as a stinking clam - why not. he's "havin fun" - he is soooooo deserving- he's got people lining up to be in love with him- dope- hope it's all worth it and "in the end" he is happy with his choices.

we had the nicest r of anyone i ever knew- he is too big a fool to see it

you're fine. it's true - we're nice gals and these guys honed in on alllll the wonderful qualities he had that they were wanting and missing in life- and now, WHAT - "THEY'RE all sdrewed up"

not our job. not our problem (except for th epain they cause us) - nothing to do with us- just two screwie guys that can't say no to self- can't say "buck up guy- look at all the good things you have to be grateful for" - the grass is not greener- it's childish and insane to think it. NO ONE has it all- sooner or later it all blows to h_ll and you pay.

oh well again- couldn't save my sister from the addition & alcohol- can't save my mother from old age & dementia - can't same him - can't save mself- can't save anyone.

i think all we can do is continue along- be us- be kind if we can muster it- have compassion- be true to our natures - try and fight the desire sometimes to hate - and try to avoid just wallowing in anger - try to continue on and be a decent citizen. its all i am- just a nice guy prtty much and a decent citizen. i just feel tonite like I can't do all this strategy- dbing - thinking and working really hard every minute to figure things out - i'm tired and chilly

so- i don't know if my light is on now. tonite anyway. i feel done and kind of thru. I'm here- but i feel alot less like trying even- what does it matter? he's havin fun and i'm working my head off- at what i'd like to know? and for what I'd like to know. i just keep keeping busy so i don't think- don't brood - don't , don't don't -

oh man- if I ran into an intriguing man tonite there'd be hell to pay. i'm soooo sick of being the "bad guy" for all the stuff i didn't even do or know about.

even if it were allll my fault- who in the universe could possible do this much evil all on my own- without even knowing?? it would have to have taken a heck of alot of planning and forethought and work to wreck his life so completely.

and as for "accidentally happened" - so like what, he tripped and his P_nis fell into her?????wtf???

i'm outta here- just winding around like a goober- need to go find a tv show and some food and get warmed up a bit- got chilly again.

xxo (( )) hang on- we can do it- (whatever "it" is)

i feel sure...

[mizjjd]

Wow Dawn, you are certainly getting the super sized MLC, with free refills to boot.

My H expects a lot of "mothering" from me too. Last track meet we went to for S16 H wanted to know why I hadn't told H it would get cold and made H bring a warmer jacket.

And I get random ugly nasties too. H read about the 8 yr old killed in the Boston bombing and said "he should have been in school". ?????

Watched a news show about famine and H says "they should just be let to die"

I can play shrink and guess why H goes on about these things, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant to hear about. (Does make me ask why he's so concerned about his folks... should just put 'em on an ice flow <if he was being consistent in his world view>)

Ya' know if I was H's mother I think I'd be looking for a paddle about now!

Take care. The sun's got to come out sooner or later.

[tiredndrained]

Dawn...there are so many similarities in our sitch..my H on couch n my biggest fear is one day he will awake n be ready to be an active n present member of our family n i don't want it anymore. I too am a lone wolf . For me..the struggle is between moving and the amount of stuff involved n putting up w a man who is clearly checked out. I look around my home n think..do i want to move?? Then i feel disappointed that im sticking it out w someone who thinks of me as their mom and someone else as his partner. My H ow had pics all over fb of them out all over town for months n im home taking care of his laundry..his kids...cooking n cleaning...etc..its hard to swallow.

[nero]

hi t&d

just wanted to say boy can i relate (as my h is w/ ow this very moment - makes me angry and sick) and here am i taking care of house, etcx. me too with alllll the stuff - who wnats to move junk- who wants to think of it - who wants all the work and responsibility while they screw around/

me neither- what the heck? i'm sick and tired and "done" too and fear and feel all the same things- it's awful that we're all out here huh?

just throwing in my 2cents today-

good luck- hang on - i keep thinking (hoping) we know when the moment is rite to walk out- no forced "gesture" - just the rite move for us at the rite moment. fingers crossed with tht. nero

[tiredndrained]

Nero...its such an awful feeling, you know?? H doing all the damage n me n kids have to change our whole lives. Im already overwhelmed w all the crap he has thrown at me n now i have to figure out what to do bout the home, etc. My h won't leave. I don't know why. He can go n move on but yet he stays...never works toward fixing things but never goes. Maybe he thinks we will b roommates forever... i hope u r right n one day we will know. Im a lot Like dawn in the sense i don't do anything n am waiting til i know. My h shows me furniture he wants to buy, talks about the future then makes no effort to change his behavior or b honest. Its hard to believe they come back or are even wanted still when they do.

[albamarie]

MIZ-not sure if it was you, but someone said to me it sounds like we're M to the same H.

said "he should have been in school". ?????
Watched a news show about famine and H says "they should just be let to die"

My h has said these words verbatim! It's crazy how insensitive they can be when they are the ones crying in such pain for understanding.

Romeo just makes it easier and easier for me to see him clearly.

my biggest fear is one day he will awake n be ready to be an active n present member of our family n i don't want it anymore.

Tired-
I hear you loud and clear!!!! In my attempts to "make" him leave he got clingier, I just want him to disappear, I can feel the air lighter just when he goes to work. I light up every time he leaves, I don't even really understand it myself, but it feels soo good.

The only way I will shake him will be if I move out, I know this, I strugge with the option everyday. My kids are grown but the're not done, the instructions said 18yrs, but they need that little extra for that golden crust!

never works toward fixing things but never goes. Maybe he thinks we will b roommates forever... i hope u r right n one day we will know.

My H said point blank, he is an empty man, with no compassion, can I live w/that. Even though I said no, here he sits. Clearly he thinks his ''presence'' here is very important to me. I recorded our last talk and when I replayed it I was shocked to really "hear" him say, "isn't it just enough for you to have me home, doing chores, bringing in the $$?

I heard him say, he will not ask for forgiveness, he will not be w/me like a H, or act as a F! It was amazing to have my cell phone recoding app on and really sit alone and truly hear what comes out of his mouth. Roommates, yup, I think that's what they want, my H talks about furniture also, and even about buying another house. I said straight to his face why would I wan't to make another 30y commitment w/you? He just looks at me like I have 3 heads!

I leave him to think what he wants, I believes truly, that I would never leave him or want him out of my life. I told him I meant it when I said go, go away forever, forget you know me, have your life, I want no part of you. All he said was this is his family, he already has us, narcissistic much!

I hope we'll know when we know...I want to know already!

[tiredndrained]

Its all mind blowing...really. in reading all in your posts i think your h started w u not giving him enough attention...i apologize if that wasn't u...my h said the same thing...that is where we started. I've asked him a few times although not recently was this all worth it??? U wanted more attention but destroyed everything to get it. How much more do they want from us? My h was abandoned by both parents as a child. I feel as i have somehow taken over that parent role just bc i tend to always take care of everyone. So...u have had no one stable your entire life yet u ruin your own stable environment?? Hard to wrap my head around. The furniture thing is just annoying. He too talks bout getting a new home together ...so..im just sitting thinking waiting. trying to figure out when i should walk away.

[albamarie]

H just revealed that I am not showing detachment from him by telling him to move out. He said it makes him feel like I need to let him go, it makes him feel tethered to me, and I should let him go! HUH????

He said even if I was to win the lottery and be independent he would still come home to his family! I didn't say, BS you SOB!