LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

KD, you are an angel sent to challenge me. Thank you for taking your time to care about my life. Grace, so good to hear your encouragement and thoughts. I have written in my journal to think about the X,Y, Z's. JP, I'm so glad to hear from you, I have bookmarked your thread, the vets can be so powerful and (intimidating ) in their knowledge that it's great to be supported by a newbie too!

All the love out of the way: JOURNAL

Mom. 45 min on the phone and I know have the investigative skills to process as the conversation is happening. I detached and just listened. I didn't try to control the conversation or change her viewpoint. I just listened. Without my usual combative self, she began to open up; she was real. Her anger at my S was honest. I realized that she was trying to stop me from turning into her. She did have 1 pass-agg moment where she wanted me to validate that the possible demise of my marriage was not her fault ("I didn't make you controlling"), but I tried to detach lovingly and walk her through it. "Mom, you didn't make me controlling, but my own interpretations of yours and Daddy's D and your reactions to them made me blame you." I emphasized that my W and I are not her and Dad. It was big for me to say that outloud. I spilled my accountabilites in the breakdown in communication of my own marriage to my mom. Surprisingly, she listened. We ened the conversation with what I hope for now is an understanding that I "get" her pain. Unlike I ever did before and that my sisters have never experienced. I think that meant a lot to her. I faced my fear of her dissapointment and told her that regardless, "I love my wife. I am taking care of myself now. If my W decides to get on the train and grow, we can talk about R. If not, I will still be better for the journey."

We ended in a stalemate. That's good for us. We actually said "goodbye" lol!

P.S. journal: I did not need my friends to tell me that my WAW spent the night with her AP on the AP birthday. Ugggh. But then I realized this: Wife texted me and said "I am not going to her on her birthday I am coming home to spend time with you." (2 days prior to my LRT beginning) My response was "No, when you come home it's for good. Otherwise what purpose has all this time apart meant." She did exactly what I suspected and spent the day with her AP.

She missed my birthday (sent me a card to my sisters house where I was)... but believe nothing they say and actions right?

Pain on that one... even though I told myself it would happen. I wonder what AP would think if she knew her birthday celebration was my W second choice? That feels good.. because my wife knew it.