I have a headache again and face is numb. I was thinking about how I would have to state my boundaries if he brings up staying permanently. I have an idea of what they would be. Problem is (and I think this is what's causing the anxiety) I don't know how he would respond to this.
This is what I've come up with so far...
*nightime routine with kids starts at 6pm. I would like for him to go to the gym before that time and have dinner with us at 6pm and kids bath 7pm and bedtime for them at 8pm.
--He teaches a gym class M,W,Th at 7pm and leaves the house at 6pm, doesn't get back til 8pm so no family dinner and he doesn't help with the routine.
*I need to see more of a distance between him and his mom. We don't need to visit her 5 times a week or 3. once is enough.
--Her involvement in our relationship is what hurt us. His codependency on her is what contributed to the disconnect and betrayal. (he realizes this and has told me about it).
*Rebuilding trust. There needs to be more openness. No more "white lies."
--I continue to hear him say white lies about insignificant things. It bothers me so much more now because of all the trust issues we have.
*The family is a priority. Dedicate family time and don't allow other things or people to get in the way of it.
--H will jump to help someone else even if it compromises our time together. He doesn't commit to US.
*Finally, marriage. If he is willing to work on the relationship then I would like to see us move towards getting married. Making it official. I don't want a big wedding anymore. Truth is I don't think my family would attend. (sad, I know)
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
