Goal 1: Stop thinking about how to become like or better than OM, and also stop trying to be somebody I am not. Stop trying to be like the people W communicates with online and seems to thrive on talking and joking with. Because this is not the person she was, and not the person she really is, she has become obsessed with this as part of her escape act, and this is how she found OM (and if she is, its not the person I fell in love with and therefore want to be with). If i become like them A: I am not living for myself and becoming a better person for myself and B: If this is a MLC, and W does come out of the tunnel, I will have become a version of the people she will probably realise she no longer wants to socialise / be with.
Just wanted to comment that based on what you say, you seem to think that after a MLC your W would return to how she was before the crisis. I don't think this will be the case. Your W will be a different person in many aspects. I also think my W is in a MLC. What do I expect when she "comes out of the tunnel" I expect some of these behavioral changes in her will be permanent.
What I expect to change is:
(1) she won't be so unhappy; (2) she will love me again; (3) she will be more balanced.
For me this last one is a key change. My W now "has to go out" like she will die if she doesn't go out with her GF or go to the gym. Missing a gym session throws her into depression.To illustrate, tomorrow night my youngest D has a concert at school. I cannot go due to work. My W normally goes to the gym and then out for drinks on Thursday nights. She is already complaining and upset that she won't be able to do this because of D's concert. In fact, I won't be surprised if she somehow gets another parent to go instead of her.
Post-MLC I would expect my W to be OK with skipping a night at the gym and to enjoy supporting her D. I still expect her to go out -- that is now part of her. But I expect that she won't "need" to go out and can skip it for other things without being upset. (at least this is what I hope).
So I think you need to view MLC as a transition, and what comes out at the other end will NOT be the same person that went in.
