When do you get to the point of telling the WAS what they need to work on? There are definitely things that made me stressed and unhappy in our M. I have never really brought them up (probably part of our demise). In my sitch I see no point of bringing up this stuff now. What good would it do. She is already 99% gone already. If she doesn't stay then it won't be my problem anyway. However, if she does stay, it doesn't seem like a good idea to bring that stuff up either (more walking on eggshells) because she thinks I am the root to all of her problems.
Not sure why but this is just something I have been thinking about recently.
I have thought about this too. I read somewhere about reinforcing good behavior rather than complaining about bad behavior. I missed an opportunity to do this recently. For example, my W hardly interacts with our 3 girls anymore. This weekend, she played a game with them. It's been months since she has done this. I should have said something like how nice it was, or how happy the girls were, etc. This would be more effective than complaingin to her that she doesn't interact with the girls.
I also indirectly inferred to her that much of her unhappiness is internal. When talking with my two older girls on the phone while they were visiting my MIL, the oldest said she had a horrible day and recounted the day's events the younger one recounted the same events and said she had a good day. I joked with my W how each views the same things differently and how second daughter's outlook on life is so different than our oldest.
I would not tell your W anything directly about her happiness. If you act happy, it will become hard for her to keep blaming you for her unhappiness. Also, if you do 180's on the behavior that annoys her, this helps too.
