I'm sorry you feel like you're spiraling down, but do know that we'll be here to catch you.
Your sitch over the last months has been creating a lot of instability and confusion for the kids...it's good that they are asking questions, though I know it's so hard to hear it.
It has also created a difficult place for you to live in...where you couldn't really feel like home in your own 4 walls. So no, even if you tried to get "over" him, you were not in a place to heal. You've been living with an open wound.
Hopefully, with him getting his new place will create a little more clarity. Hopefully then you can begin to heal, but don't force yourself to get over the grief....it will take some time and you will be going through cycles when you think you are making progress, and then you will feel like you've taken steps back.
