I will make this a little more simple than going point for point in your other two posts.
Just so you know, I accept that D4's dad could be a complete nutbag...
that said, I do my best to remain subjective. Many people are simply misunderstood.
Regarding the schedule, how far in advance do you KNOW what you might be doing with D4? There are a number of online (and free with advertising) parenting or family calendars. It could go a long way to help you and D4's dad work out when D4 is available.
Are you worried that he might take you to court on custody? Why?
I think we're getting into some really good stuff, here.
Are you indicating that you are generally a free spirit and work hard to help everyone get what they want? Do you find that you have trouble enforcing your own boundaries? Does it bother you that even though you can understand someone else' perspective, that no one seems to appreciate yours?
Basically, if you were to chart out what he wants and what you want, there's probably very few "sticking points". You may find that the two of you agree on more than it seems, it's just that the ones where there is friction are very prominent.
What would YOUR boundaries be?
How do they conflict with what you feel HIS boundaries are?
As far as passive-aggressive, I'm not suggesting that it IS passive-aggressive, so much as it could APPEAR TO BE passive-aggressive.
Do you find that when you want something, you form a picture or mental story board on how it would look, for you?
