Doing pretty good today, Urworthy. Thanks for stopping by to check on me.
I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. H left around 4:30 & I spent the whole day preparing myself for his departure. He is not going to same state as OW this trip & won't be seeing her, so I thought it might be easier this time.
It must be the pregnancy hormones. I bawled like a baby. I held it together pretty well when he was leaving, but got pretty teary eyed. He gave me a hug goodbye & that's when my eyes started watering. I was not expecting that. This is from the same man who just said all those crazy things to me.
Later from the airport H text me & said-It was very difficult for me to leave today…I just wanted you to know.
I text back Thank You.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Journal: H has been gone for two nights now & didn't call our daughters either night to tell them goodnight. Before BD he would call every night or we would call him as they were getting in bed. When BD happened I quit calling him & left it up to him to call Ds. It's been hit or miss. He will be home tomorrow until Thursday & then off again until Monday.
D7 asked if dad was going to call them ever? I told her that he was probably working late, but I would text him to see if he could call real quick. H text back & said he was eating dinner & maybe he would later if it wasn't too late. I replied that they were in bed, as it is their bedtime, & were asking for him.
I guess if H chooses to leave & divorce the girls will be use to no calls goodnight by then.
Starting to feel anxious about his return tomorrow. I'm trying to already prepare myself for him leaving again on Thursday. He will be with OW this time he leaves & my emotions need to stay in check.
Called the obgyn today & made an appt. That makes it feel so much more real now. Debating of I should tell H about it or just let it play out?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
H called me last night. We chatted it up for 35 minutes. I couldn't believe it when the phone rang. He also apologized for not calling the girls. I told him he would have to apologize to them as well.
Our conversation was simple & pleasant. Basically talked about both of our works, the Boston tragedy, and other small talk. I'm taking this as small step forward, but am full aware of the 2 steps back that is lurking around the corner.
I have IC today and am looking forward to it. I have also been writing down my thoughts in regards to cats & Urworthys posts last week. I think I'll be ready to put them out here soon.
I want to thank all of you again for the support. I really am moved by it. It's truly amazing how everyone on these boards come together for one another & offer real, true, heartfelt advice & support. Thanks!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I'm having a bad day. H leaves tomorrow for weekend with OW & I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's not good for me to have so much focus on this, but I can't make myself stop. Laying in bed last night H grabbed my hand & held it for a good while. He then rubbed my back & told me goodnight. My emotions are on a rollercoaster.
He told me when he originally scheduled this trip he was staying over until Monday to hang out & play golf with a couple of the guys from the office. I know this is not the case & he will be with OW at her parents house (she lives with them). I have this major urge to say to him that I'm not stupid & wish he would just tell me the truth. That I know it's OW Ds bday & he will be with them.
I need to be reminded why I should let this go. I can't believe I'm letting myself get so worked up.
H has still not mentioned pregnancy to me anymore since last week. I don't think he is still thinking of not being in this child's life. He casually mentioned on Sunday that maybe his 3rd child would want to try harder & be better at soccer. This came after a kick around in the backyard that H had with the girls & D7 wasn't really trying.
I know this is big time mind reading, but I'm wondering when he is going to tell OW about me being pg & if he will try to save their relationship? I'm pretty sure this will be a deal breaker for her. She thinks we sleep in separate beds & we haven't been ML since BD. I know that if she ends it with him that it's not guaranteed he will come back to me either. We have a ton to work on.
More mind reading…I think H is waiting & soaking up the next 3-4 weeks. He will be home next week, but will be back with her the next 2, possibly 3. I think he is at least waiting until after their time together isn't so frequent.
Our 10 year anniversary is coming up. A couple of weeks ago he mentioned doing something. Should I bring this up again?
As you can see my mind is racing today!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Just a few more thoughts… Going for a run after work & then dinner with a girlfriend.
Have set a goal to keep a PMA for my own well being.
Decided that I am going to do the most I can with weekend. I'm going to take my daughters to see a movie on Saturday. I'm also going to take them out to eat dinner Friday night. They'll love this. We typically eat at home, especially when H is out of town.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
H left today. It was hard saying goodbye this morning. I held it together & didn't even cry until I dropped the kids off at school.
When H got to the airport he sent me this text: I've been praying more lately and have been getting positive thoughts back from God, in regards to us.... Give me some time ok. I'm taking this weekend and the next couple weeks I'll be gone to really gather my thoughts.... It might be hard now, but probably the best if you want things to workout between us.
How should I take this?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Wow, your H really seems all over the place. You're complaining about your hormones. What's his excuse?
You seem like a very patient person, and I hope he sees that. His most recent text is more encouraging, but still pretty demanding of you. How do you want to respond to it?
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
Hey In it, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts often.
Couple of things, ok?
I cannot even imagine what this might be like while just finding out you are pregnant, but, it really is necessary for you to put your focus on you, your baby and your girls.
I know it's hard, but, try to keep your emotions in check around your h. They see it as pressure when you dont.
I would not say anything about your anniversary. More pressure.
I forgot, how is is you know about when he sees ow because Im thinking it's not a good idea for you.
As far as your daughters, I know how you must have ached for them when their dad didnt call them. The thing is this. He is responsible for his relationship with them. Your job is not to do anything that would in hurt it in any way. But it really is his to forge with them.
Now, as for his text. He is giving you some valuable information here. He is asking you very clearly to give him time and space. Can you do that?
It is important to remember a few things. You want to be a person of stength and dignity. That's what's attractive.
And you want him to know you heard him.
So, good for you that you are doing fun stuff with your daughters. Make memories, I.
"Give me some time" is about as clear as it gets. Do it to the best of your ability, OK?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
