Ways I think he tries to get me to "chase" him: 1. Not answering text messages regarding scheduling changes (I have 2 other kids with an ex-husband and sometimes we need to make some adjustments...specifically we had a birthday party and a dentist appointment I needed to schedule around)EVEN THOUGH he agreed that we would communicate about schedules. Previously, I had had basically NO CONTACT with him for 3 1/2 weeks (I was angry and frustrated with him, I wasn't trying to cater to him) and when I made ONE phone call to him about a scheduling change for Thanksgiving holiday, I left a message, sent a text asking him to call and 4 hours later I called him again (my aunt was waiting to make plans for which day we would visit--the urgency was for HER benefit) he answered the phone all angry telling me to "stop bothering me!" I told him at that point that if he did not want me to call or text repeatedly, he should reply in a timely manner. 2. He acts weird or says crazy things just to get me to engage him. Like when I sat down on a couch beside him, he scooted away and said, "Don't get too close!" like he's an 8 year old boy who thinks I have cooties or something. Of course that it silly and childish behavior.Of course he knows I am going to want to know why he is acting that way. 3. He does not do what he says he will do, so I can confront him over that. He originally said he would drop her off at 9:30, but he never did. He basically changed the drop-off time to 10:30 without telling me until the last minute (he does not plan ahead or give me information so that I can plan ahead.)
If he really wanted to limit contact, he would do what he said he would do, he would deal with my questions promptly. It goes from "do you plan to drop her off at 10:30 instead of 9:30 every day?" to "I'm just asking, it's fine" to "please reply if you are getting these texts". One time I had my brother call to tell him that I was afraid he wasn't getting my texts, but as soon as he saw my brother calling, he texted me a reply to my question and called my brother back to tell him that he had got back to me. A few days later he didn't reply to my texts again and I asked him about it and he said he was getting them but that I asked him too many questions.
I told him he is like a little boy who pushes a little girl into a pile of dog poop or sticks her pigtails in the inkwell (archaic reference) at school because he doesn't know how to interact in a positive way with her. He is 41 and has never had a "normal" relationship with a woman. Very few and very short lived "relationships". I thought his problem was "just" committmentphobia, but that should have gotten better when I withdrew almost totally from his life.
He is NOT "typical," he has "special needs" that make relating to him in a positive way very challenging.
The good news is that in the past several months, I have gotten control of my own emotions and I feel like since I have "taken the beam from my own eye", I can help him with his issues. Our problems were different, but we both have struggles with anxiety and depression and letting our emotions control us rather than us controlling our emotions.
