Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

Having to be so sweet and polite when he is with the kids 20 minutes of a day and thinks its parenting.

Yeah, which enrages me because he was always a great father and thinks what he is doing is okay and that he is there for them more than he actually is. My button/trigger is my kids right now...so my bitterness is only in this area and something I need to work through and past.

I wrote... maybe you(my h) never were really here, maybe that was just my fantasy??

Yeah, I am feeling this way, although I know it is not true. Just wishing I knew things would turn out like this. I would have never gotten involved with the man if I knew. And now I am stuck...forever...through our children. Today I am more feeling like I just want my H to completely go away. I feel I am held hostage to the life I once knew, but with no perks. Life is more than just unfair, it is fVcked up.

I am not going to do anything today, but what I really feel like doing would probably get me in the headlines of the newspaper and in jail.