Hello BRNR, I too am sadly in this sit. especially the back and forth with leaving the door open or shut. Feeling sad about the kids being put 2nd in H's life. Crazed when he told my boys (ages16&19) that communication was the key. Ha! Having to be so sweet and polite when he is with the kids 20 minutes of a day and thinks its parenting. Still too much bitterness on my part. I know.. I just wrote in journal this AM something similar to the rose-colored glasses statement. I wrote... maybe you(my h) never were really here, maybe that was just my fantasy??
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Having to be so sweet and polite when he is with the kids 20 minutes of a day and thinks its parenting.
Yeah, which enrages me because he was always a great father and thinks what he is doing is okay and that he is there for them more than he actually is. My button/trigger is my kids right now...so my bitterness is only in this area and something I need to work through and past.
Quote:
I wrote... maybe you(my h) never were really here, maybe that was just my fantasy??
Yeah, I am feeling this way, although I know it is not true. Just wishing I knew things would turn out like this. I would have never gotten involved with the man if I knew. And now I am stuck...forever...through our children. Today I am more feeling like I just want my H to completely go away. I feel I am held hostage to the life I once knew, but with no perks. Life is more than just unfair, it is fVcked up.
I am not going to do anything today, but what I really feel like doing would probably get me in the headlines of the newspaper and in jail.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I told my H I had a voodoo doll made of him. Anytime he had some pain, that was me sticking pins in! You know in life there are no guarantees, I get that...Hurting me is one thing, hurting the kids is a whole other issue... I guess what I am struggling with is how do you go from being life long partners to acting like aquaintentces(sp)? How old are your kids?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Hi Wbw- thanks for commenting on my thread. I know the struggle of acting like acquaintances, but for me, I can't really say that I like this MLC h, so I try to remember that when speaking to him....
My boys are 14 and 9.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
So..I took the advice and dusted myself off. Went to s14 soccer game and treated h as the blow up this morning never happened. Not sure if he was confused or not, but he responded pretty much the same. I am hoping not to have any more of these days for a while....
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
My boys were talking this morning about H and giving him the birthday card they got for him and if they could give it to him this morning. I casually said "Well, I don't think you are going to see your Dad this morning, are you?" Because I wasn't sure if H told them he would not pick them up. Then my S9 said "oh yeah, that's right Dad took off work so he could go dancing with his friends for his birthday." ugh!!!
So disappointed that he blew off his children to act like a teenager. Although, it was a not a surprise to me.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
"oh yeah, that's right Dad took off work so he could go dancing with his friends for his birthday." ugh!!!
So disappointed that he blew off his children to act like a teenager. Although, it was a not a surprise to me.
Hey BRNR.. Hope all is good with you.. but after reading this mornings post it doesn't sound like it. It's hard not to feel for your kids. Even thou you know your H is in MLC and expect this type of behavior....Your children don't, and yet they are still victims of his selfish and childish acts.... Stay strong and protect your kids the best you can.
did he end up seeing the kids?
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Thanks N72- no he did not pick up the kids this AM. He is supposed to have them tonight, but not sure if he will show.
I am not having a rough day so much. I do feel like I am held hostage to this life. I am currently trying to figure out how to get out of it. I just want to start over without H in the picture and it pains me that I never will be able to because of the kids.
I am currently looking into seeing if I can buy a new house. I don't think I will be able to, but you never know until you look.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I know the feeling... but guess what.. no one is keeping you held hostage but yourself... You have the strength within you... look how far you have come in the last few months... I never thought I was going to bounce back from my W leaving.... I am still a long way off from being back to normal... but I have come so far from where I was, and I am sure you have as well.
Having kids must be very hard when trying to start a new life.. but people do it everyday... and you can too! Keep your chin up! Show him and everyone else how strong you are.
What are some of your short term goals that you want to achieve? Have you been looking at houses?
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
