We all have those days of backsliding. What to do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. Do you have a back up plan if he pulls this kind of stunt again? Maybe it's time to think about a Plan B, in case he does this again.
The only priority in his life right now is himself. Even the ow is second on that listing.
I hope the day does get better for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am Plan B...and he knows it. I can take them with no problems and he knows that. I was more trying to force the issue that it was his responsibility and was setting my boundries when i told him NO last week. And he had a nerve to say he was volunteering to take them every morning....huh...please. They are his kids too.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
The games they play really are childish. I'm so sorry he's pulling this bs.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know. I wish the kids didn't have to get hurt in all this. There are just some days I don't feel strong enough mentally, physically, and emotionally to deal with these things. I am so not a fighter it is not even funny.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
You may want to realize that when you set a boundary, you are sometimes going to get resistance, right? You won't get a warning of when and it likely won't be consistent.
Be patient and step back. I don't consider it a backslide. I consider it correct behavior to call him out on his "promise".
I also think you're too close to be detached. If not, you may not have had to have that boundary.
You did what you did (and I think would have with anyone that did same) and I think it's time to put it in the rear view mirror.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I also think you're too close to be detached. If not, you may not have had to have that boundary.
Thanks AJ for your comments. I am a little foggy this morning after the argument. Could you elaborate on this statement above?
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
AJ & Snodderly - Putting it in my rear view...but I have to say I really backslid. Some of the things I said were not good...not at all.
I told him that he was so selfish, asked him what was more important than his kids that he couldn't take them tomorrow. He kept saying he was not being an a$$hole, and I told him "keep telling yourself that", he called me selfish, and then I went on to defend myself and how I haven't done anything but be there for our kids this whole time, etc there was more...it was not good.
I am so upset with myself. Why did I let him get to me like that?
Dusting myself off, huh, I think I am going to have to take a long shower on this one...i am awfully muddy.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR, We all have had incidents whereby we've "had it out" w/them. Don't beat yourself up. You were expecting him to pick them up and he decided he wasn't going to do it. You didn't think that he would up and decide not to do it. Sometimes when they throw fly balls unexpectedly, it knocks us off course. Don't beat yourself up. You had your say and you told him how you felt about the kids and the situation. Let it go...
BTW, you didn't need to defend yourself to him. You are not in the wrong here, so in the future, when he baits you, just tell him "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then walk away. Mlcers hit below the belt at times and the they want us to take their bait so that they can point fingers at us and say "see, that's why I'm not at home". They want any type of justification for what they are doing.
Muddy or not, let it go. You are only human and sometimes you have to let it all out...come here to do that. Don't give him any more justification for what he's doing. He's a two year old that is having temper tantrums and the only way to stop them is not to buy into his antics.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks ladies and gents - I feel really awful about my behavior this morning. I think I acted like a child too and said things I wish I didn't. As I said, I am not a fighter and this whole sitch has brought out another side of me that I don't like. I am really not trying to beat myself up. But I do feel horrible and hopefully have learned from this.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
