Day three....I feel like an anthropologist.. "watching the villagers eat breakfast, it occurs to us that the dynamics..." I digress
Today, you will only see a post in the morning. Going media dark for the day, could use a break
To answer your question Turtle, I feel that when I let go of H earlier this month, to explore his own happiness outside of whatever guilt he may feel for leaving us, I gave myself permission to move on as well. It really is as simple and as complicated as that. This is not to say that I do not have moments of anger and regret, I do. Especially, it seems, that I have circled back to anger a lot these days. But am taking a Page from Chodron and leaning in to it, to learn the lessons that are to be taught here, to explore why. Not necessarily, at this point, to not be angry, but to accept and understand it.
Also to refuse to be the target and in doing so, keep my seat. I truly respect all those who go through in house separation and whose spouses still live with them. I don't know if I could reflect upon everything and grow like I am if H was still here. I am in awe.
As for the date, well, I suspect he wants much more than I can offer at this point. I have explained where I am but he is not really hearing.
