No, you are not dumb as a box of rocks. You've got a lot going on and you have to think of children as well in this situation. Your finances may be dictating how things are playing out as well.
Yes, you still love him and I also think you've kept the door ajar just in case he should get his act together. There's no harm in that.
You'll figure out what your goals are. Give yourself a break...you've found employment, i.e., whether it's really what you wanted or not, you've been doing things for yourself and I can honestly say that I've seen you become even more independent and wiser.
As the saying goes "you are right where you need to be at this time". You are doing well...so pat yourself on the back. You are posting to others and offering them very wise advice and offering empathy and compassion. You're becoming a great mentor to others...keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
