Its all me, me, me!

[mrtwopointfour]

Ok, have thought of how to redefine my main goal, and have thought of 2 immediate goals that come to mind. I need to be careful as I have a habit of overlapping my 180 and goals. For instance I want to be better at managing finance and paying of debt, as I have not been good at that over the years, even though it fell on my shoulders it has spiraled out of control. Does this become a 180 or a goal??

Anyway here is where i am up to:

MAIN GOAL: Become a H only a fool would leave - a much improved version of the person my W fell in love with, a person that knows how to treat W better than any other man, and a person that she admires more than any other man. After all I am the father of her children, what better combination for a H! And then if she can not see it herself, I will still be myself again, but better, and ready for new ventures!

Goal 1: Stop thinking about how to become like or better than OM, and also stop trying to be somebody I am not. Stop trying to be like the people W communicates with online and seems to thrive on talking and joking with. Because this is not the person she was, and not the person she really is, she has become obsessed with this as part of her escape act, and this is how she found OM (and if she is, its not the person I fell in love with and therefore want to be with). If i become like them A: I am not living for myself and becoming a better person for myself and B: If this is a MLC, and W does come out of the tunnel, I will have become a version of the people she will probably realise she no longer wants to socialise / be with.

Goal 2: Detach, Relax, and treat W like a friend or close neighbour. I need to do this to find my humour again and become the person I once was. When I am at work I am funny, relaxed and people listen and respect what I say. When with W I am walking on egg shells, worrying about how to be, not finding my humour, and generally on edge about everything she says. A few weekends ago i said something without thinking about it, and W laughed like she had not done in months. When I try too hard, it comes across as fake and unfunny. Detaching will actually help me with this. I am almost there, but living with W pulls me back in daily - its a constant battle, one that I am determined to win. This will also help me stop thinking about what W will be up to when she goes away or goes out, and who she is really meeting / staying in a hotel with. This is going to be difficult one to achieve, probably the hardest.

I have more to come - but trying to define them as they come to me.

Please jump in and say what you think. I can take it!