Its all me, me, me!

[mrtwopointfour]

I've been hanging out in the MLC part of the forum this week, mainly because I believe that's what is happening to my W. She has all the traits, and although nobody really can tell whether its MLC or WAW or both, its good to have some sort of reason for this. However PoN made a very good post on WFM's thread which gave me a little wake up.

The essence of it was that yes it may be MLC, but lets not forget also all the issues we have brought to the M and R, and how these have not helped, and the effect of these on the sitch. Also, how the focus should be on us, not how our W/H is going through MLC and how they are behaving. But most importantly how we newcomers should be listening to the vets, and how all the vets would say how they wish they had listened earlier on!

I am guilty through the last week of getting caught up in the 'MY WIFE IS HAVING A MLC' frame of mind. Yes, this is important to me, it helps me process what is going on, and see that its going to be a longer ride than I thought. I will still be posting on the MLC forum about my W and the way she is, to try and get some feedback on how to handle those aspects of my sitch. (Cadet - I know you advised this may not be the best thing to do, posting in two threads, and I am not ignoring your advice which i have found really helpful!)

However, I still feel a need to be here in newcomers. More so to work on myself. I am still not detached fully, I still need to get my goals sorted, still work on GAL... there is so much work still to do for me.

So here I am again.

Here is my last thread in Newcomers.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...087#Post2339087

So from here on, its all about me, me, me. (and the kids of course)

There is a balance to find in all of this of course, I need to be there for W, she does need support - but I need to stop thinking about what she is thinking and doing things to try and manage her actions and thoughts. Its simply making her more angry, and more eager to hate me.

Its not all bad, I've come a long long way since Feb, when BD happened. But I realise that some of this has been a facade, not all true to myself, and 50% to try and control W's thoughts and feelings towards me.

So, over the next few posts I will start to define my goals more clearly - I've still never got that right, and I really need your honest feedback. I also need to stick to my 180's and the 37 rules. (I broke a few of these last week and it was a slip, I did it without thinking of the outcome and it backfired)

All opinions, criticism, praise welcome - that's why I am here!