Good advice T. I would be lying to say I am not hopeful, but better to go in expecting nothing. I guess if anything, I am hopeful that I will come out of it believing we are not in as bad of shape as I feel right now, but that, in and of itself, is an expectation I realize.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
A year ago I thought W was starting out of the tunnel when I was no longer satan in her eyes...she was, true, but it's a long-ass tunnel, and she seems to being taking her time...which is good, because I do not want to re-visit this a 3rd time...but...the tunnel is longer than I could ever imagine. The vets like Snodderly say, consistently, have zero expectations, and they are right...we're in uncharted territory here my friend. Looking back, with all my new knowledge, I am on year 5, the last 20 months or so the hardcore "run".
I read somewhere to let time have time....
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
My experience is that any counseling under two years from BD is a waste of time and more than likely will be used by the MLC'er to justify splitting up.
They are then able to say they tried and it was YOUR fault. They can check off the counseling box on their checklist.
My H went to IC October of 2011. She tried to get us to go through the Gottman book at home but it was too intense. We finally gave up.
Then, in June 2012, a few days after my H said he was "never coming back" he agreed to one MC session. He talked nonstop for 45 minutes--what he liked about me and what he didn't like about me was included in the convo. I just listened and did my best not to cry.
The C suggested she thought we may be heading for D. That was quite upsetting to me.
It wasn't really MC but it did give me a little window into his mind and after the session I wrote down the things he said and referred to them often. It gave me a place where I could see where I, too, had failed in the M and I had a gauge of what I could work on.
So....you have the MC scheduled. It may provide sn opportunity for you to work on things alone, even if not together.
Let us know how it works out today.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks Cadet and RH. This is not what I want to hear, but I know you are right and I need to go in expecting not only nothing positive, but that it is going to be the most brutal hour of feedback I have ever received.
My only hope is based on each of us having one session each already and the prognosis of the doctor that she definitely has depression. She talked to me that night and was really pleased to have been told that herself and looking forward to it being treated.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Saturday is my birthday and Monday was my Dad's 75th. My Dad lives two hours away and my sister and her family are coming up for the weekend, so the plan was for my W and I to go to dinner, just us, on Friday night, and after my D's volleyball games Saturday, to go to Dad's for dinner.
Received an email from W last night that D's games are almost two hours the other direction and last game isn't until 4, and we are taking and bringing home another girl, so she said "I can take D and you can spend the whole day with your Dad!" like I would be excited about it. I sent a reply "I am sorry to hear that, are (other girl's) parents out of town?" and didn't hear back, so I just called. I asked when other games are and whether we could leave early and have another parent bring home other girl. We don't have to be at my dad's until 6, so we could do this. She was irritated and said now she will have to make a bunch of calls. I expressed that I was really looking forward to spending my birthday with her and D and that everyone else will also be disappointed if she isn't there. I also said I understand this is a hassle for her and not ideal, but if we can figure it out, it is important to me. She said we can talk about it later (ie. counseling?).
The reality is, youth sports has taken a major toll on our relationship through separation. My S and D had tournaments almost every weekend over past 5 months and we usually were splitting up for them.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
That svcks and is a reminder that you can probably work on your detaching and expectations.
The feedback she gave you (the first was her lack of response to your text) was an indicator that your desire to have her go with you to your dad's was likely feeling like pressure.
While you are growing and become such an awesome person, your W will notice and could very well begin to miss the fun times or be curious about what you are doing when you go out... without her...
