On a sombre note, though... even though truly I say this just as a consideration and fairly lightly... as a teenager about to become a "man", I hope that he truly does not rely on you for everything. Do you believe he needs you to do things for him... or do you believe he accepts that you do things for him... what value do you get out of doing things for him? what are the consequences of you continuing to do things for him?
I agree with T^2, that you are a great parent and are doing the best that you can for your kids. I'm simply putting some thing out there for you to contemplate. I do (tongue in cheek) know of plenty of kids who have gone to prom / grad in jeans and T-shirt and seem to be no worse for it...
And yes, if S14 is asking to go to a counsellor, do what you can to make that happen.
S17 is very independent concerning his daily life, he has a great job, he does well in school, bought his owñ car with his money he also has a gf who takes ALOT of his energy lol. I think I'm his safe place to fall, he just thinks I'm so wise lol
Thanks T for your lovely comment I needed that
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
He came over last night ,drunk, yelling and screaming at s14. I calmly asked him to leave...he wouldn't leave. He startèd pushing s14 around, I grabbed my phone to call 911 but he grabbed the phone from me...knowing full well that I can't fight him for it as I am in a wheelchair. I headed outside to try to get help but got to the garage door first and locked it so I coułdn't leave knowing that is my only exit from the house.
S14 got the door open and H slammed him to the driveway, I see a neighbor dowñ the street and yelled call 911, H is wrestling s14 for my phoñe still...he quićkly léft when he knew the cops were còming. So today I got the order on L ádvice.
How does this happen? He's so cruel añd mean to the ones he would have died for. I don't get at all
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
I am so very sorry to read what happened in your home. He's angry at the world and being drunk didn't help his mood one bit. There is absolutely no excuse for the behavior and you did the right thing in getting the restraining order. I guess he doesn't realize that you could file charges against him for assault and battery as well as child abuse and endangerment. He better be careful because the neighbors did see the problem and could very well report him to Child Social Services for what he did to his "minor" child.
I do hope that you and your son are okay today. Protect yourself at all costs. The man you knew is totally gone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Caigy, So sorry this is happening to you. It is appalling and frightening.
Although my STBX has not yet become physically violent, I suspect, by his rages, that it won't be long.
I'm totally with you in wondering "How does this happen? He's so cruel añd mean to the ones he would have died for. I don't get at all"
I think the massive turn-around in character is the most devastating part of all of this. It makes it all feel so unreal, and that is very hard to deal with.
Unfortunately I can't have him charged with child abuse because the officer said that because s14 is his biological child he is allowed to "man handle" him!!! They won't do anything until there is an injury such a broken bone etc.
At least he can't come to the house again and do this.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
NLW, I'm sorry for your sitch. It is a whole new ball game when they turn mean...when that happens IMO there is no DBing I think at that point it becomes survival and protecting you're kids if you have them.
My kids are now afraid of the man they loved, respected and admired. It really is the whole personality change that is so shocking, according to H it's my fault the kids feel the way they do...delusional.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
I was just catching up on your thread, and I'm very sorry at what your H is putting you and your children through. To me, the hurt they cause our children is the worst part of all of this.
I'm glad you got the restraining order, don't hesitate to call cops if he violates it. He might be living in la la land, but he's about to get a dose of reality.
You may not be able to charge him with child abuse, but in my state if a neighbor, teacher, coach, etc. calls to make a claim, it must be investigated. If your H keeps making a scene like that, it could only be a matter of time before he's reported.
Thinking of you
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Praying for you!! Although my H hasn't become extremely violent, he has come close and believe you me one wrong move and I will be on it like white on rice.
And I find it odd that the cops wouldn't do anything. When H and my stepson got into an scuffle back in 08 the school counselor saw a scratch on SS's lip and asked what happened. Long story short H was arrested for domestic abuse. Charges were dropped by SS but H could have been punished harshly.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
