Am I in the right Forum?

[Notlikingthis]

Snodderly, thank you for the prayers. I'm feeling a little stronger today and know that I will survive this no matter what he does. More than that, I think you're right when you say that we don't realize the stress we're under while they are living with us. I pray every night that he will wake up and be the same or a better man than before all of this started. I know that this is just beginning but I want so badly to do something to hurry it along.

I've not mentioned MLC or that he seems confused yet he keeps bringing it up himself and defending himself....to himself, I guess! I suggested that he go to the Dr. a few times but definitely haven't since shortly after finding this site. He keeps repeating that it's his time and that no one is going to tell him what he can or can't do any longer, that he's not confused and knows exactly what he is doing and is willing to accept the consequences!!! Then he says that he's turned the page. I don't ask him what he means by that but I'm sure it has something to do with us. He tells me that he knows he's hurting me because he can see it in my eyes. He is a thinker and his brain is always working overtime. I know that the unresolved issues from his childhood revolved around his parents being very, very controlling with him, at least in his eyes. As I mentioned earlier in this thread he is a sort of rebel but in order to be successful in his career he's had to put that little rebel boy in a box. It appears that the rebellious kid is coming back out with a vengence.

Up until a few weeks ago he would apologize for his erratic and crazy behavior. He is aware of his confusion and can't seem to keep his thoughts and actions under control. He keeps reassuring me that he is okay and is being selfish about what he wants because he deserves it after all of the years of doing what others expect of him. When he has a rare semi-lucid moment he gets extremely frustrated with himself mumbling something about losing his mind. His most recent line is that he doesn't want to take advantage of me. Not sure what that means but I suspect he's got a plan going on in that confused mind of his that he'll spring on me sometime soon. If he were to move out and live by himself, I think he'd work through this but if the OW moves here and he lives with her I'm certain that it will take much, much longer. I know I can't rush it but I want shorter not longer. To have him living with someone that he believes is his soul mate scares me. I have to keep telling myself that she is just another symptom that will go away in time, right?

I need to stop thinking about all of this and do what he is doing. Selfishness is under rated! Maybe it's MY time and I need to go back to work. NOT!

Thanks again for stopping by to comment and for the prayers.