Losing Hope w/WAH

[Positivespin]

ABUSE your elliptical!!!!!!!!!!!Pound the crap out of it:)

Its cold up here too- (low 40's BUT sunny) but exercise will help clear your head - It also helps you sleep better at nite.

can you share what type of work do you do?

[reb9597]

Shiss, have you verified with online public records that H has filed? Or you can call the courts to ask. I know for me, it'd help me feel more in control knowing for sure instead of just waiting and waiting.

This is your chance to grow into the best you! It still sounds like you and H are reacting and reacting. But you can stop that cycle and start rebuilding. you're on your way!

[Shiss]

He told me that I would get them this week. My L said it wouldn't show up on our courts online records, only with a dissolution. Honestly when he came over Saturday to talk logistics and to tell me I should see the papers this week I was very proud of myself. I said you deserve to be happy and was understanding. I had tears but no bawling or hissy fit. He gave me a long hug that he asked for. It was very mixed.

[reb9597]

It's a win! You controlling yourself and changing your reaction is the only thing that will reach H's heart. It may not change the immediate future, but will give you a shot long term.

It must be different in your state. The first thing they do when meeting with atty in my state is to look up online to see if papers were filed by spouse. I clung to that for a few months.

Think of a reward for yourself at the end of this week. Something you can look forward to. A massage? Get yourself through this week to digest these recent changes. It's truly out of your control now and the lawyers will take over from here. Now is the time to turn your efforts inward. Hang in there!

[Shiss]

I initiated the whole meeting on Saturday. I sent him a text to disarm him so he would let his guard down around me. I sent him a text saying I accept your decision because you deserve to be happy. Then he responded that he wanted to come over and talk. I wanted him to know I will accept his decision but that I was also not giving up on our M. Was that wrong of me?

[reb9597]

It sounds like pursuing...time and space is your only friend right now! Again, you're sending texts, he's reacting, you're reacting - get off that train and live in your own skin for awhile.

I know it's hard but it does get easier. I'm 10 months out now and it's taken me this long to be able to look at my situation from the outside (as best as I'm able to). You have to let those feelings of rejection and abandonment simmer down - in both of you! If it never cools off, it'll never heal.

Show support when it's needed, validate when you can, but don't reach out anymore. You texting or calling him to tell him you accept or are different - doesn't really look very different to him.

[Shiss]

Thanks Reb. I haven't made any contact since that text on Saturday! Yay!

[Breakdown]

it's hard to think about working on myself right now when your world seems to be crumbling around you.

Think about that.

I'd argue that when your world is crumbling around you, all you CAN do is work on yourself....work on the things YOU control.

[LBH_LC]

When your world is crumbling around you, all you CAN do is work on yourself....work on the things YOU control.

This. ^

[Shiss]

Went an saw my C today. She advised to go ahead and drag my feet with the D, since that's what H wants. Don't resist, but take my sweet time. If H wants to talk about dividing up finances or property then to let him know he has to have a lawyer draw up a financial agreement based on both of our incomes. H is asking me to pay half of the bills even though I make less than him and wants me to let him know once I have this ready. Seems like he's in an awful big hurry to get rid of me.