Sorry to hear of the pickle you guys are in. I hope you're finding this board helpful, I know I have.
I definitely advise against MC while your W feels the way she does now. It won't help.
My W told me she'd only do it because "isn't that what you're supposed to do", and "I want everyone to think I gave it a try".
In a single session with W alone, C told W that she sees people older than W who wish they would have jumped ship back when they were W's age!
She then told me to ask W if she wants to work on the M or work on an amicable D! What? I already know the answer to that question, why would I ask it?!!
I fired her and thankfully W never expressed a desire to go back. That was a year ago, were still together and I still have hope.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Good advice guys, the problem is, I DO know about the crush/EA/tattoo boy. Everything I know is found on public FB views, but I'm sure it would still come across as an invasion of her privacy and I would end up as the bad guy in this. But, I know the presence of this guy plays some role in the equation and it is driving me NUTS not saying anything. But, T, you are spot on that she knows me very well and probably senses it anyway. We'll see where it goes tomorrow, but I know both of you are right that I need to focus on me and what I can do better as a husband, and to help her through her issues. I know it, it is just hard.
Speaking of focusing on me, I am going to go workout. Saw 210 on the scale today (down from 229 in January and 220 when I heard the news from her a month ago). Not quite the six pack of tattoo boy, but my clothes sure are fitting better.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Nothing like a good workout to find perspective. I know what you guys are saying, I need to be the ideal husband, not just now in this crisis, but going forward. Sure, we all make mistakes, but I need to address the pain I have caused over the past few years. She has caused pain too, but that is up to her to fix, I can only focus on what I can do.
No woman ever looks back and thinks "I sure miss my husband snooping around and acting really possessive" right?
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
My strategy for therapy tomorrow is to go in and focus on listening, both to her first, and to the therapist. When he asks questions, I will try to remember to let her always go first. And, try to speak with love and not get angry or defensive.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
I posted this over on my thread...again, I don't have experience with traditional MC..we have the same IC, so she is aware of both of our dynamics, but is not the same as "together" MC...this is based on what I have read in other sitches...
Quote:
CB--Thank you!...But, please, please, please, PLEASE!! Keep your expectations low to zero regarding MC right now....please! If W is mlc, this will not be "fixed" in 6 weeks of MC....know what I mean? I DO truly hope it is the start though, and goes very well for you two.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
