I am working out and getting in better shape. Have lost 15 since January, partially because of last month. Trying to lift more as well. Ironically, her "fantasy guys" on her book covers all have 6-pack abs and lots of tattoos. I have neither, but at least I am in a bit better shape.
What do you (or anyone else) think about the fact that she hasn't told her folks and has kept it to a tight group of 2-3 friends?
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
It's very normal for mlcers not to share what they are doing w/family and friends. They generally hook up w/needy, much younger friends or people who are divorced.
I'm glad to read that you are working out and doing things to keep yourself busy. I know it's difficult, but please do not compare yourself to the om...he's nothing more than a fantasy and a bandaid right now.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly, left work early to go work out and will be in a minute.
One specific question. My wife is ALWAYS on her phone, texting, reading, or FB. We are taking the kids to Texas Roadhouse for dinner tonight, think it would be a good or bad idea to ask her for us to leave our cell phones in the car during dinner? Or, wait until Wednesday and bring it up with therapist?
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
think it would be a good or bad idea to ask her for us to leave our cell phones in the car during dinner?
Personally, if at all, I would suggest it as "hey, let's leave our cell phones in the car everyone so we can focus on us and not be disturbed" and leave yours, regardless of whether W leaves her or not...That said, and read around, but maybe you really want to let go of suggesting much of anything to her right now...she will see it as controlling....and will most likely prove to you that you don't control her or her life...
Ever try to take a cell phone from a teen-ager? Much less a teen-age girl? If you have scars, then you know what I mean...I don't have daughters, but my neighbor does...his scars are pretty cool, in a tattoo sort of way...
Our mlc'ers are teen-agers again, except they are legal adults and can tell us to eff off any old time...let all this weird behavior go...they all treat their phones as their "preciouses" (Gollum)...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I didn't end up saying anything, just tried to talk with her and have a nice conversation. A couple times, mid-conversation, she stopped and got on her phone. I just looked at her until she put it down again and started talking. Didn't happen a ton. Had a nice dinner, then last night saw that, during dinner, she "liked" a post on tattoo-boy's page. Also, that she liked his b-movie that is coming out this summer (both of these are things I can see on the public FC sites of them). I know he is a crush and an escape, but it is still tough to not say anything.
Therapy tomorrow, therapy tomorrow...
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
My boss (60 years old and GREAT guy) just called me in my car. Said concerned about me lately, am I ok. Told him what is going on and he was very reassuring and comforting, told me to do whatever I need in my schedule and asked what he could do. I told him prayers would be welcome and he said he will. We hung up and I cried hard, which is rare for me (I'm the guy who can't cry at funerals). Good thing I was by myself in the car.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Although I understand you wanting to try to temp check your W by watching FB, etc. It will dry you nutz. You really should stop.
I also do want to put out there, it is likely your W will unload on you in counselling. Try to stick it out as long as you can.
I lasted three sessions. Prior to the third, I asked my W if she was going to see if we could save the M or if she was just doing it to prove that the M is over. She indicated it was the latter.
That said, the counsellor may ask what the two of you want out of counselling. That's hard to hear a spouse is only going to stay civil to co-parent but not to save the M.
Anyhow, as long as your W keeps going, that's great. Good opportunity to work on being non-reactive.
What KD said ^^^^ about temp checking, times 10....It will do you no good, do nothing for your PMA, and since our W's do know us so well, they will be able to tell if we "saw" or "know" something....we will give off non-verbal clues of some sort...been there.
We haven't been to MC, so I can't comment on that. Except keep hold of yourself, keep an open, compassionate mind.
Hang in there! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
