Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

Wow, AJ - Very profound what you just wrote. I think this will be a moment that will stick to my core. Those glasses I was wearing are really starting to come off, but I think I put them back on every time I see a sunny moment. Maybe time to throw them away.

It is what it is, even though from time to time we'll see "glimpses" of their old self. They are in transition and looking for a way to stop hurting. Sometimes they'll blame those closest or those they find along the way.

Wow!!! This speaks to me in a lot of ways. This statement alone, can make me see that being away from him is the best thing I can do, as to prevent myself from getting hurt further...

"I am still uneasy letting go, it makes me feel like walking away. At least some days."

Do you feel guilty about that? Or is it something else? If so, why? What makes you feel like you should hang on? I'm not judging or offering advice; rather just asking what the motivation really is. I think it's important to clarify that.

I do feel immense guilt, maybe even more guilt than H supposedly has for all he has done, because I am at least not in crisis mode. How would me walking away be any better than what he has done? I do feel that I would walk away and therefore letting down myself, my children, and even H.

I feel that I will lose my love completely. My H says all the time to me and my children that I don't love him. But if I really do let him completely go without holding onto that small percentage, this would validate what he has been saying all along.

And I feel that if I do not hang on, I will be so far gone that if my H ever needed me at some point that I will miss all the signs.

But to detach AND keep the door open for the person that hurt us is a tough thing. We normally don't get much practice at such things prior to these situations. I will say that the sooner you detach and set aside the memories of the person you knew, the better for you and all around you. Really. And that's not easy, but it is possible.

And bingo. I think you nailed it on the head. I don't know how to do this...I believe I am teetering between closing the door and keeping the door open...on a daily basis. This is what I have to look at and work through...this is where I am struggling.