Thanks rH. I'm on the mend. Not feeling well does make things more difficult. I was extremely ill, in every sense of the word, Saturday night when S9 was having trouble sleeping. W should be here, I'm sick she's playing, etc. I was over it by morning, but her ears should've been on fire.
She texted me yesterday morning to see how I was doing. Brought us lunch and hung out here most of the day. I didn't ask, but she talked about her night out. Lots of good funny stuff.
She then discussed how she/we should start a handy man business on the side. As usual, she hadn't thought it all the way through but it was fun to talk about. Basically she wanted to run it with me as the handy man. She hadn't thought about including a charge for her time. When I told her she was missing a charge for her time she said that would be ok I'd give her my money anyway. True.
Bklyn, I think I'm doing better with giving her space. I don't ask questions and am letting her decide how much she wants to participate with the boys and me. I read the synopsis on your book recommendation. I'm going to try to pick it up. What I found most helpful was that though she let go, she still talked about screaming at the trees, etc. I hope you and your daughters are doing well.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mtnman, I know it hurts. I know. And I'm so sorry.
It's the equivalent of me seeing my H with the same girl again and again on FB in social drinking sitches or just the two of them alone. (this was a year ago)
You don't REALLY know what is happening. You just think the worst. At least I do.
All you can do is not let yourself focus on it. Easy to say, I know. Allow yourself to know these uncomfortable things are happening to you...out of your control...not your fault....and all that. You're left holding everything together...the brunt of the household on you!
If you can allow these thoughts to flow through you and then turn your focus to yourself, your boys and your faith, you can get through this.
You have to hold it together so she will have something to come home to!
Do your best not to focus on the weekend.
There's a lot of good connection with you and your W, even if she saying she is not "in love" with you.
Hold on!!!
Oh, and I read the Laura Munson book twice through when I first started posting here last year. I don't remember whose thread I put that on recently, but I emailed the author and she emailed me some encouraging words back. It's an interesting read, but most people won't get through an MLC that fast. The principles are solid though...let your W go and rediscover yourself.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks rH. I always assume the worst, at least I do now. I was able to let it go while she was here. We had a nice time at supper. Ate, played a word game, and then let the boys crank up the music and danced. Lots of good laughs.
I try to hold on, and have been for over a year now. I'm going to make it. I know with Gods help I will. Reading sitch like yours helps too. Lets me know it can get better. You give a lot of us hope.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Hi Mtn, Sorry to hear W's trip is so hard on you. My wife has done 3 resort trips w/o me since BD. Each one was out of the country for 4-5 nights. I know how hard it can be dealing with the thoughts that come, but it does get easier.
Like RH said, you guys still have a good connection, even if W is lost right now. She needs you to continue to be the rock for her and your family. You are showing incredible strength by standing for her. Know that your DB family is extremely proud of you!
What helped me get through the pain, and deal with the fear of my W leaving town, was telling myself that W NEEDS to do this in order to heal. She has to figure out who she is, and who she wants to be. Letting go of them during this time is the best thing we can do right now, both for them and our M.
How did it go last time she was out? Did you guys communicate a couple of times? She came back to you and the kids, right? She will again.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
She needs you to continue to be the rock for her and your family. You are showing incredible strength by standing for her. Know that your DB family is extremely proud of you!
I agree!!! ^^^^^^
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks FY, she did communicate and she did come back. Though we have had good times since her last trip, she is more distant.
I've got to work on letting her go.
Mine is still distant too. It seems to vary in intensity, but never goes away. I figure I'm not bailing on her, (for quite a while anyway) so I just deal with it and try to make the best of it. Pretty much just do my thing. I hope you're not walking around on eggshells.
She is also planning a trip with single GF in about two weeks. I hope they have fun! She will send me a couple emails to let me know how things are going, and then when she gets home, tell me all about it and show me pics.
Is there a project at home you can do to keep busy while she's gone? Re-decorate a room, plant the garden or something that she's bound to notice? That's what I like to do when mine is gone. Surprise her and let her know I'm not just moping around.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Honestly, I've thought it might be a good time to trade vehicles. I need a newer one and was planning on getting one this spring. Her moving out changed my plans. I've got to have one, so might be a good time to do it. Who knows, it may be a way to act "as if."
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Traveling again this week for work. No goodbye from W, other than to ask what time I would be returning. When I gave her my answer she responded with, "when am I going to be able to go to the tanning bed?" I smiled and suggested maybe she should've went on Monday after she had her nails done. That brought a sheepish grin and double middle fingers. I just laughed.
Last night we had our last baseball practice before the game on Saturday. S9 really enjoys it, but only half the team has ever played before. W went to practice with us. She took lots of pictures, but I didn't see them. She was in a foul mood when we left and at home.
I finally asked her what was bothering her. Evidently one of the other kids had told our boys about some W play activity that happened back last fall. He heard it from his mother. W was ticked. I encouraged her to not let it bother her.
Consequences to our actions, who would've thought it?!?!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
